A Year Ago After A Failed Suicide Attempt I Was

A year ago after a failed suicide attempt I was diagnosed with BPD. They gave me heavy medication and suggested that I kept attending therapy because it was very likely that there was some other associated disorder. I never took the meds and thought that it was just stupid since it had been a one time thing and I never experienced trauma or anything like that. However it only keeps getting worse. I can't control my emotions, I hurt myself often, I have high IQ but can't bring myself to study or do anything about my life, I've tried changing my routine but it only makes me feel more tired and really anxious. I really want to change but some days all I can do is lay in bed and cry and scratch until I bleed. Is it only borderline? Can it be fixed? I was never raped, abused, bullied, etc. I don't want to take meds but it's gotten to the point of physically hurting others and considering suicide almost daily. I'd greatly appreciate some advice.