HELLO! I've Been Really Stressed About My Mental Health These

HELLO! I've been really stressed about my mental health these pass couple of years and for reference I'm in high school but can you tell me if my thoughts are "normal" to have? Thank you! Sometimes people just don't understand me, I can't just "stop" the way I act it's basically reflexes. It's not like I don't want it to stop because I do but I can't. It's too much and don't call it the "coward's way out or that I'm weak." Because you haven't faced what I have and sometimes you get sick of it and you want to give up. Every moment that passes is dragged as if it's been too long already. I hide behind a wall and people don't realize that. They think it's the real me at school, yes sometimes it makes an appearance but that's still not me it's as if I'm watching as everything passes by and I'm like a third person watching a series. I live in the moment, meaning I don't remember what happened yesterday, the day before that or when I was little. And most of the time when I'm "feeling" something it's almost like there's an ache in my heart. I can't describe what im feeling so I just assume it's that. My mind is usually just blank too but I distract myself so I don't have to face an area of emptiness. There are multiple masks I put up and sometimes they overlap each other but I haven't even met myself yet in a very long time and that's very terrifying. I forgot what I was like and how I would act. But then I remember that the mask that I put up are figments of myself in a different form. Even when I'm by myself, the mask that I show people show up and I would act as I normally act at school and it shocks me because when I'm by myself, I usually am VERY boring as in I don't do anything fun, I don't hang out with friends, and I don't text them either.
What I show people at school is what they want to see. The perfect family. The perfect grades. The perfect social skills(ish). The things they want to have and obtain. Behind closed doors I'm nothing but a shell or shoes that you could mold me to be. There's nothing exciting about my life but no one knows that. YES it's messed up but that's just life and most of the time I just suck it up and deal with it because I can't change anything. I'm basically living with strangers , people say blood is thicker than water but then everybody have blood which makes us all the same. It's the personalities that makes us different. Many people shed their mask off after a couple of days, weeks, months, heck even a year but when you get so attached to it, you wouldn't know if you're actually wearing a mask of not. Sometimes I laugh because I don't know what else to do and it makes everyone else laugh. Even when things aren't funny I just laugh because it's the closest thing I could get to feel happy. It's not like I'm living in pain of anything it's just empty like a void or a black hole that's swallows everything about you UP.