Hello My Name Is Ty And I Am 16 Years

Hello My name is Ty and I am 16 years old, I think I suffer from severe depression and severe anxiety. I have suicidal thought very often, I pretend to be happy alot. I feel alone even when I am in a group of people I feel really alone like I don’t fit in anywhere. I also feel like dead weight and that I deserve to die. I want to see a therapist but in order to do that I have to tell my mom how i am feeling, which is really hard for me because I feel as though she is not the easiest person to talk to. I hate talking to her sometimes and I really hate living in my house. It’s very stressful and adds on to my stress and depressive thoughts. I have no family that I can turn to just my teacher/poetry coach. I don’t know what to. I really want to see a therapist to get better because it’s to the point where I am scared of myself but it’s hard for me to talk to her and I also don’t want to live with my family anymore. What can I do ?