Hi I Need Some In Put On Something I'm A

Hi I need some in put on something I'm a 12 year old girl and people think my life is getting better and better but really its getting worse and worse i got diabetes when I was 6 and my dad died when I was 8 and I've been depersed since me dad died and I've always lived with my dad but when died I stared to live with my mom we never had a close relationship and she had some problems her self I felt like its was time for me to go see my dad up in heaven but then I felt bad for my family so I stopped trying to you know what when I was 11 I started to live with my grandma and I went to see my mom still and I had my ups and downs with her but some way I would all ways get mad at her and go home and cry I would say I cry about 5-10 times a day and now I feel like its time I got see my dad in heaven again please I need your help I don't know what to do