I Scratch At My Arms When My Mind Feels Like

I scratch at my arms when my mind feels like it's spinning out of control. I hear screams and sobbing in my head and there are dark spaces in my mind. There's no light in the world. Even though I know logically there reasons to be grateful what I mostly feel is an oppressive pointlessness. I write, dark verses that suck out light. I don't seem to be able to connect with anyone in a romantic way. And I know factually I'm good looking but sometimes I feel so ugly. Please help.