I Struggle With My Past. Since Childhood I've Known That

I struggle with my past. Since childhood I've known that I always seemed to be behind the curve emotionally. I was starting to find myself breaking down. I didn't know where to turn. I was in the military when I started going downhill. My future in laws was the final straw to normalcy. They broke that. They emotionally, verbally, physically threatened me. They attacked my family in a variety of waves. My mother was hurt by my father in law when he pushed her out a door. She cried. I was also pushed out. I went to my mom to help her and when I looked around he had a big smile on his face. I was judged, humiliated, bullied and shamed. Every waking moment I think about this. It's the first in my mind when I wake up. Always being judged always being questioned. I've been told to get by this but it's not that easy. Sometimes I fell like I was brutalized