I Was Told I Suffer With Mania Bipolar But Have

I was told I suffer with mania bipolar but have not been on meds since 2005 I feel how can I know that's really what's wrong and because of having several bad experiences with uncaring physicians I now have a phobia to seeing doc's I always am skeptical of others and afraid to reach out for proper help so I live with these ups and downs and suffer is there any natural remedies I can take other than mind altering drugs. I cannot take any anti-depressants I get worse