My Name Is Eric, I Am Nerdy 14 Year Old

My name is Eric, I am nerdy 14 year old who is quite big (5’ 10”, 160 pounds) and fairly lean. I have one Asian parent, my mother, and an American dad. I wanted to talk about my mom, I really don’t know what to do. I am a bit hormonal right now and I am not going to be writing a perfect essay. She gets so upset all the time and whenever she gets upset she keeps getting herself mad, anything and everything I do will just increase her rage. I try to come up with logical answers, but for some reason she keeps getting madder and madder. If I don’t say anything, she also gets more upset. Nearing the end of our conversations, I usually lose something. I have had a nintendo Dsi smashed on the table and an Ipod 5th gen smashed with the hilt of a knife. I loved my Ipod more than I loved my mother, don’t get me wrong I love my mother but I loved that object more than my mother. It allowed me to communicate with all of my friends and have something to do with my friends and when I lost it I felt horrible. I did punch my mother in the face (not hard) but with a little force. That ended up to be one of the worst nights of my life hearing about my mother's harsh past, her holding a knife threatening to kill herself, threatening to ‘turn me in me in’ to some sort of child juvenile hall or whatever it’s called I also keep losing my free time on the internet, I used to have 1 hour mon-thurs, and 3 hours on weekends, and now I have lost my hour on monday through thursday for the rest of my time, similar incidents have happened in the past. She keeps blaming herself for ‘being nice to me’ and I can never talk to her as she doesn’t want to hear what I say and she keeps interrupting me. I have told her that I would be better off without her and I resent her, I can do everything on my own I am a very independant person when I have to be. I do not need her grounding me for forgetting my homework assignment once, or if I get a B+ on one of my tests, and I do not need her screaming at me when she is trying to ‘talk’ In return, she starts on me saying that she should go to hell because that’s where she belongs, and then she starts beating herself saying, “isn’t that what you wanted?” THIS IS WHAT I DO NOT WANT. It pains me to watch my mother beat herself up like that when I am trying to tell her how I feel. And yes, I do resent my mother. A lot. I know she isn’t the worst parent but she certainly is nowhere near an average parent. She has also threatened me pretty confusingly, saying that once you poke a person too hard you get things you can never take back, or what I think means that she is going to kill herself and take things (me?) with her? and other things that I forgot because my head is not on straight. I could be leagues off here and I don’t believe my mom is dangerous, she never harmed me physically I am a pretty good student being in precalculus in my freshman year in high school. I also never wanted to hurt my mother in any way although I may have. My dad is what I call a coward, he doesn’t do anything to step in or intervene when my mom is yelling at me and eventually my mom turns on him and starts yelling at him as well. My mother has one hold on me, and that is my video games. If she took that away completely I wouldn’t give a shit about anything or what she would say. I would no-longer try in school. I would no longer have some of my friends. Basically my life as a nerd would be ruined and then what would I do when the world has turned against me? I am already quite depressed and feeling quite awful at the moment.

So now that you are done reading about my problems, I have one question and I wish you could also just talk to me about this situation. My question is, “What do I do?”