Suggest Treatment For Depression

I've suffered depression before I thought id beaten it out of the relationship which was toxic for me and my children,Met an awesome man we have a baby girl she is 11weeks I had my tubes done I don't know if it's hormones or me I lose my temper I hate me sometimes I want to hurt her so much I'm scared I will I hate me I'm broken I don't know what to do I think my kids would be better off without me I am a shit mum I need help but don't want them to put me back on meds