Suggest Ways To Detect Hymen Tear

hi, i am a 21 years old girl , & i m so so so afraid to think that i have lost my virginity , i m ashamed to say this, but i had external sex with my bf 1 year ago so many times, but he never penetrated my hymen , & then after we broke up , i started doing masturbation , i couldn t help it & i do regret it , & i m from a very religious family . Once i took a mirror & tried to see if my hymen is still intact, so i was surprised to see a real big size hole in the hymen , & it s not normal like i saw in google search , i think i have an annular hymen , but it s tottaly torn & it s schreded from all sides, ..so does that mean that i lost my hymen?? plz answer