Hello ,my Name Is Jennifer Bates. I Have A Question

hello ,my name is Jennifer bates. I have a question that I really need help with. I am going to try and make this short, but my problem is long. I lost my mom in 2004 unexpected. I am a only child. I could not function I was taking 14 zanexs a day (sorry for the spelling) a day. Did not work for 4 months and lost down to 82 lbs. I am 5 one. I got over this. I lost my dad in 2007. Since this I do not feel anymore. Now down to my question. My very best friend (should have been my twin) is going thru her 2nd bout of cancer. It is not good . will be fighting for the rest of her life. This is my problem. I feel nothing. I cannot cry. To me it is not real. I was up at 4:30 this morning taking her to surgery. What is wrong with me. I should be falling apart. Oh my the way it is not good. She is 57 and God only knows. Do I need help?