Hi, I Have Been Seeing This Guy For Over 5years

hi, i have been seeing this guy for over 5years and yes it has een a secret to our famlies but it has gotten to a point where we want more. the reason im asking is becasue when he is mad he becomes a diff person says really hurtful things about me about the people i love but i knw he doesnt mean it or would sa that to my famly. Now my sister with out me knwing went through my phone and saw the convo i had with him and the hurtful things he would say and now she is upset and is forsing me o pick beween my family or him. she is saying i am n a controlling abusive relationship but i do not see it or feel it. yes here are aspects tht i agee with her on but her telling me i cant be with him, i cant see him,talk to im anything or else she will tell my parents and they will come deal with the isue themselves. How does one know if a relationship is good or not both with m famly and the hardship they are putting me through becasue the think they ae helping and with my relationship becasue he gets mad but i have never feared for my life. it has come to a point where they all hate each other and want me to chose and it is drivin me o becom depressed.