I Don't Know...i'm 24 Yrs Male, Main Selfcontrolled Nahi Ho

i don't know...i'm 24 yrs male, main selfcontrolled nahi ho pa rha hun..jo nahi chahta wohi kr leta hun..maine apne maa se family problem ki wajah se ladai ki jo main nahi karna chahta tha maine maa ko dukh diya aur rulaya bhi aur phir maa k pair pakad k maafi bhi mangi ab in sabke baad mujhe lg rha h k main duniya ka sabse ghatiya beta hun jiski wajah se main depression me ja rha hun, main kya bolta hun kya karta hun main apna aapa kho deta hun, mere ghar ki condition kafi saalon se thik nahi h, ghar mein kalah khatam nai ho rha h aur mera career bhi nahi ban paya hai..family badi hai aur father bhi 14 yrs pahele gujar chuke hai.Main bachpan se sports mein jaana chahta tha lekin kabhi bhi sports khel nahi saka ...jo mere dimag se nikal nahi rha...or kisi me mera talent nahi hai sports main bhi nai..jiski wajah se dull wali feeling hoti hai..pariwar mein kisi k saath kabhi bhi mera bonding nai hua.. bachpan se hi sb barabri wali ladai krte the...or nahi koi acha dost bana paya..nahi koi girlfriend...apne aim pr chal nahi saka yeh meri galti thi..or main kaafi sarminda hun...main hamesa yehi sochta tha ki kuch bada karunga or maa ko bahut khusi dunga..ab bhi sochta hun...lekin ab himmat tut chuka hai..mere mein koi talent nai hai or apni maa ko bhi rulaya hai ...mujhe krna hai kuch..plz dipression mein nahi jana chahta hun