Sign-in to Ask A Doctor - 24x7
OR
Sign in with Google
How To Control Lying Behaviour In A Teenager?
Question: My 18 year granddaughter. HS grad is lying and suspected sexually promiscuous. Her parents are divorced. She has broken relationship with father. Mother has mental health issues. My husband and I live in a Florida Retirement center. She and parents live in Ft. XXXXXXX Co. She visited us for 2 weeks and was a delight- respectful, courteous, trustworthy. Back at home, same problems. I, as grandmother seem to have best relationship. The parents have asked me to help. I feel at this time she probably needs residential care. She has no plans for college even though she is very talented artistically and musically.She has been a poor student academically. I love her so very much . There is no alcohol or drug problem at this time however that is a fear of mine.
Brief Answer:
Discuss with your granddaughter first.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Welcome to Healthcare Magic!
I feel that this decision should be taken only after a thorough discussion with your granddaughter as to what she wishes for herself. You have mentioned that she lies, is sexually promiscuous and is not on good terms with her parents. I guess that description would be true for almost all 18 year old adolescents in today's world. On the other hand, you spent two weeks with her and found her respectful, courteous and trustworthy. That probably is what she is deep down inside as I can think of no reason why she would need to put on an "act" in front of you. Being a kind and courteous young adult, she has a right to be allowed to have a say in what her future should be.
In my opinion, you should ask her again for a visit and then, have a talk with her about what her aspirations are and how you can help her. You probably are the only person in the family she has a normal relationship with, and if you take unilateral decisions on her behalf, you may end up damaging that bond.
I feel she must be given a chance. If you wish, you can even ask her about why she lies and her sexual promiscuity and see what she has to say for herself. Many people lie when they feel they are about to be negatively judged or are placed in a defensive situation. For most teens, having multiple sexual relationships is just a way of proving to friends and class mates how desirable and popular they are. Popularity and being accepted by one's peers is absolutely necessary for one's self esteem.
I hope this clears your dilemma. Please feel free to ask in case you need any clarifications.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Discuss with your granddaughter first.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Welcome to Healthcare Magic!
I feel that this decision should be taken only after a thorough discussion with your granddaughter as to what she wishes for herself. You have mentioned that she lies, is sexually promiscuous and is not on good terms with her parents. I guess that description would be true for almost all 18 year old adolescents in today's world. On the other hand, you spent two weeks with her and found her respectful, courteous and trustworthy. That probably is what she is deep down inside as I can think of no reason why she would need to put on an "act" in front of you. Being a kind and courteous young adult, she has a right to be allowed to have a say in what her future should be.
In my opinion, you should ask her again for a visit and then, have a talk with her about what her aspirations are and how you can help her. You probably are the only person in the family she has a normal relationship with, and if you take unilateral decisions on her behalf, you may end up damaging that bond.
I feel she must be given a chance. If you wish, you can even ask her about why she lies and her sexual promiscuity and see what she has to say for herself. Many people lie when they feel they are about to be negatively judged or are placed in a defensive situation. For most teens, having multiple sexual relationships is just a way of proving to friends and class mates how desirable and popular they are. Popularity and being accepted by one's peers is absolutely necessary for one's self esteem.
I hope this clears your dilemma. Please feel free to ask in case you need any clarifications.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
After her father called me last evening and before I wrote to you, I called XXXXXXX I gave her every opportunity to tell me about the incident her father reported. She reported everything was fine, that she had a good week, she had worked at her part-time waitress job. She said,"I love you and miss you." My thought is that she does not want to disappoint me.
While I appreciate your thoughtful and wise remarks, it is financially impossible for us to be together soon. Phone calls are easily accessed . I will do my best with a phone call tonight. Do you think her decision to "take a year off and not waste money at community college" is something I should support?
Brief Answer:
Yes.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
In my opinion, when you talk to her over phone, you should ask her what reasons she has for choosing to take a year off. Give her an opportunity to explain herself. Tell her whatever arguments there are against her decision and ask for her response to those. After this discussion, if you feel that she is sensible and has made a rational choice, knowing fully well the pros and cons of the decision, then you should wholeheartedly support her. After all, that is what family is for. But if you feel that she does not understand the pros and cons of her choice, then do your best to explain these to her. And then, if you feel that this is what she really wants to do, then give her your full support.
From what you have written, XXXXXXX comes across as a very nice girl who also cares a lot for you. I feel that your support would mean a lot for her. She probably does not share many things with you fearing that you may worry about her. If there any incidents which you wish to talk about, I think you will have to bring them up yourself.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Yes.
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
In my opinion, when you talk to her over phone, you should ask her what reasons she has for choosing to take a year off. Give her an opportunity to explain herself. Tell her whatever arguments there are against her decision and ask for her response to those. After this discussion, if you feel that she is sensible and has made a rational choice, knowing fully well the pros and cons of the decision, then you should wholeheartedly support her. After all, that is what family is for. But if you feel that she does not understand the pros and cons of her choice, then do your best to explain these to her. And then, if you feel that this is what she really wants to do, then give her your full support.
From what you have written, XXXXXXX comes across as a very nice girl who also cares a lot for you. I feel that your support would mean a lot for her. She probably does not share many things with you fearing that you may worry about her. If there any incidents which you wish to talk about, I think you will have to bring them up yourself.
Best wishes.
Dr Preeti Parakh
MD Psychiatry
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
Get personalised answers from verified doctor in minutes across 80+ specialties
