Question: Dear Doctor,
My Self XXXXXXX Mathew( Age 30) from Perumbavoor and am writing here to get the advice for my family problems . Family Involves Wife , Son , Father , Mother and two Sisters - Married and staying with their husbands.
Currently I am working in Kuwait with Family and Father( 64) and Mother(60) are currently in Home . We are basically from a agricultural family. Most of our relatives are living in good status .
Father was doing different business man and a Politician and was a failure in all the business he attempted . I feel he never use his common sense in all his activities , never care family but was so systematic in Politics and will spend more for Politics than Family . I seen him always having financial issues but never manage properly( eg . If we have 4 lack loan and facing issues from Bank and from public Loan , He will sale some land ( part of Home Plot) for Rs 3 Lack and will pay the loan have most issues for around 2 lacks and balance amount he will use unwantedly for arranging party meetings , Car Modification , Buy a good Dog etc.. but never buy some gold as his daughters are growing up and never pay back if some amount borrow from a relative but he is not asking frequently .

About my father He is sincere only in political activities and the Part of the same party for more that 30 years . He never care his wife and children with properly including guiding , food ,cloth , education etc ...He don't have any limit in controlling his words and will scold loudly in public and physically(not always) also .

The above mentioned characters are not related with alcohol even though he will drink occasionally. I feel that he never try to understand or analysis what is the real issue ..how to solve and how others are affected ..But he manages to run our family by borrowing money from public , Loans and later will sale the part of property to with stand the issues and its a continuous process . But me and sisters like him understanding the difficult situations until we reach the around 20 years . We recognize his behavior in family and especially to mother is not in acceptable range . ( But I supported him but now I know it was wrong , as I know that he suffered a lot to run the family buy borrowing money from public and failed to repay in time etc...)
My mother is good in running the family with hard work with cows ..hens etc...and later we taken initiative to arrange education loans and we reach some how in better position . His behavior to mother continues and my mother started to dis like him deeply .
Both of my sisters get married with a lot of struggles and they are settle now .
Later I gone to Kuwait and taken the fully responsibility of family including fathers expenses( as possible for Political expense also) .
Almost we are in path of stability with my job and sold out of some properties .
Father starts demanding to build a home ..I agreed to modify the house not for a new one as I know I am the only earning source to manage .
He fully demolish the house and show 3 plans all are much bigger we can afford . With out any options and many issues I selected one and he arranged a loan for 8 lacks ...Budget may be 40 LACKS and his another blonder mistake that he take the loan keeping the property for only 8 lacks .
Construction started ..immediately I understand this is going wrong as we need much a big loan to manage the construction and I informed him to stop spending the money from 8 lacks ..already 2 lacks spend . I came to vacation arranging 2 lacks ..plan was to repay all 8 lacks and apply for a new loan in another band for 25 Lacks . Once I reach home ..I understand he spend almost all the eight lacks in home construction and he don't know how to continue the construction in coming days .
I become so angry and arrange all amount with a lots of lots of difficulty and re pay the loan and later managed to get a new home loan from the NRI for 25 lacks . He continued the construction with out any idea and never allows sisters to get involved properly and spend a lot parallel in politics and later I send some money and took another loan around 10 lacks ..Construction completed as Marriage proposals are on going ..

I am totally drained out financially and salary is there and father give some advance to a cheaper property and later I agreed ..again we need some more land to get the path to the route ..Means we are financially tight ..
Behavior to Mother become bad and bad as she will explain everything as she knows things are going wrong . Father developed his drinking habits and become daily and un avoidable but not very much . His behavior after drinking is much bad and mother is afraid and she felt he will physically act on her and he attempted the same sometime .
During the period of home construction period he managed a lot of money and I told him always we are going to be financially very tight ..
I had arranged some amount 2 lakhs for buying the path of new brought land ..and he spend the amount to buy a car balance with 16000 installment . I shocked as I am 100% sure we cannot manage 16000 per month for this . But later after 2 years car lost due to pending installments . Many cases has happened during the home construction as he spend a lot for show offs and during my marriage he demanded for money to settle some personal homes and want to invite a huge crowd etcc...
I become financially so tight and manage badly from different sources and with salary .

After the home construction he is always telling my home ..my plan..my bunglow etcc...and start speding in politics and all with out any under standing of current situation .. He behaved badly to in- laws also ..

Since some month I limited the amount send to him and I arranged send money to supermarket directly for purchase the stationary and some limited amount to his and other expense .
He starts threatening mother to get the money from me .Evening after a few ounce of alcohol this are more severe . Last week mother left the home to her home . I decided to take a home in rent.
Doctor , I feel it is only way to stop him . He should understand ..I am not interested in staying big house ..but need peace . I stop sending money to him and not calling him. Mothers brother tried to talk to him but end in bad ..He told he will kill her as because of her only he is not getting money .
What to do in this case ...
I want to make him under stand what is the importance of a peaceful life..valve of money..a lot of people are struggling in our community because of different issues etc...
I think its impossible to convince him for a counseling. Is there any good Organization to develop the people with yoga ..good speeches..therapy .. forceful accommodation with them and security .de addiction etc ..Really not meaning of a mental illness center .. We need to get him there fully in peace of mind to listen to a good speaker..reading good books with a professional touch... I have to protect the family ..