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How To Deal With Dominating Behaviour Of A Partner?
Question: how can I change my fiance's controlling ways
Brief Answer:
be compassionate; donot be hasty.
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Welcome to HCM.
I can understand your concerns.
I have few suggestions for you which can help you to change controlling behavior of your fiance:
1. Do not become frustrated, sad, and angry at him. I’m not saying women don’t have every right to be angry. But your compassionate behavior will get him to become balanced, trust and respect you and ultimately give you freedom.
2. When you partner tells you not to do something, calmly ask him for an explanation. By reasoning with him, you can understand your partner better. And at the same time, if his reason is pretty lame, you can take a stand and explain your reasons too.
3. The more you depend on your partner for your existence, the more you’ll be controlled. Have your own achievements. When your partner controls you, it’s mostly because he feel like you never take a stand or are easily manipulated or pushed over. Learn to be more confident about yourself and your ideas.
4.. At times, your partner’s controlling behavior may be a sign of his insecurity. Talk to him about this. Never argue. Respect him and avoid any kind of lying.
Remember that you can’t change your partner overnight. Use these tips one step at a time and you can also derive some of your own ways.
Let your partner see your side of the story along every step of the way.
Hope this helps.
Feel free to ask further.
If you wish, you can also ask a direct query at your convenience.
Take care.
Thanks.
Dr. Shubham Mehta, MD (Psychiatry).
be compassionate; donot be hasty.
Detailed Answer:
Hello
Welcome to HCM.
I can understand your concerns.
I have few suggestions for you which can help you to change controlling behavior of your fiance:
1. Do not become frustrated, sad, and angry at him. I’m not saying women don’t have every right to be angry. But your compassionate behavior will get him to become balanced, trust and respect you and ultimately give you freedom.
2. When you partner tells you not to do something, calmly ask him for an explanation. By reasoning with him, you can understand your partner better. And at the same time, if his reason is pretty lame, you can take a stand and explain your reasons too.
3. The more you depend on your partner for your existence, the more you’ll be controlled. Have your own achievements. When your partner controls you, it’s mostly because he feel like you never take a stand or are easily manipulated or pushed over. Learn to be more confident about yourself and your ideas.
4.. At times, your partner’s controlling behavior may be a sign of his insecurity. Talk to him about this. Never argue. Respect him and avoid any kind of lying.
Remember that you can’t change your partner overnight. Use these tips one step at a time and you can also derive some of your own ways.
Let your partner see your side of the story along every step of the way.
Hope this helps.
Feel free to ask further.
If you wish, you can also ask a direct query at your convenience.
Take care.
Thanks.
Dr. Shubham Mehta, MD (Psychiatry).
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
well where do I start the trust issues came about when he first moved in with me and he constantly accused me of sleeping with my baby's father which wasn't true eventually after being accused for so long I told him I did which I of course didn't but being accused all the time I snapped he doesn't want me talking to my child's father I don't have Facebook because I get accused of talking to other people he has Facebook and I found out he has been talking to his ex wife and I told him there is no reason for them to talk because the child he has with her is old enough to talk for himself he is a teenager vs my daughter who is 5 when I tell him to get rid of his Facebook he makes up excuses like how can he see pictures of his family in mexico and blah blah blah quite personally its a lot of stuff that is going on I am currently 8 months pregnant with his child I can't even go to the store next to my house without being accused of doing something
Brief Answer:
stand for yourself.
Detailed Answer:
Thanks for the follow-up.
I can understand your situation.
I would firstly suggest you to take your stand strongly.
Avoid doing favors all the time.
Remind him of similar situations. Don’t let him control you.
Favors are mutual and should never be one sided. If he expects you to do something for him, he should be prepared to do the same for you. In a relationship, both partners have an equal say.
Let him not take you for granted.
Look for ways to control him for a change. After all, even the most controlling of partners do have their weak sides. Start in a small way, and let him see this new behavior.
Express your displeasure when he tries to control you, in a clear manner without getting angry or retaliating aggressively. If he speaks harshly, remind him that he’s behaving weirdly.
Spend time with your own friends or family, and have a few close friends with whom you can share your secrets and opinions. When you have your own support system outside your relationship, it’ll make you stronger and more confident about yourself.
Hopefully, my suggestions will help you to sort out the issues with your partner.
Would be glad to help you further.
Thanks.
stand for yourself.
Detailed Answer:
Thanks for the follow-up.
I can understand your situation.
I would firstly suggest you to take your stand strongly.
Avoid doing favors all the time.
Remind him of similar situations. Don’t let him control you.
Favors are mutual and should never be one sided. If he expects you to do something for him, he should be prepared to do the same for you. In a relationship, both partners have an equal say.
Let him not take you for granted.
Look for ways to control him for a change. After all, even the most controlling of partners do have their weak sides. Start in a small way, and let him see this new behavior.
Express your displeasure when he tries to control you, in a clear manner without getting angry or retaliating aggressively. If he speaks harshly, remind him that he’s behaving weirdly.
Spend time with your own friends or family, and have a few close friends with whom you can share your secrets and opinions. When you have your own support system outside your relationship, it’ll make you stronger and more confident about yourself.
Hopefully, my suggestions will help you to sort out the issues with your partner.
Would be glad to help you further.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
well you see I don't have any friends because he doesn't like my friends and he doesn't like my family either I get accused of sleeping with my family and much more even if I tell him not to talk to his ex wife he is still going to do it he has pictures of them on his phone nothing I say doesn't really matter to him he has even talked to his exes and invited them to come here because they live in different states he says its to see his son but I don't feel comfortable with her coming here I don't mind him seeing his son but I do mind his exes coming here I don't think that's appropriate because then that gives him the lead way to see them and cheat I feel like nothing I say to him matters I bought him a ring that has my name and his name on it he doesn't even wear it I feel like he is talking to someone else because he accusses me all the time and I sit at home every day all day I never go anywhere I just don't know how to make him understand its not OK for him to do something and its not OK for me every time we discuss something he always try to flip the script and make it about me as if I'm doing something wrong when I'm not
Brief Answer:
Be assertive and take tough decisions.
Detailed Answer:
Dear,
Its sad that whatever good you do to your partner, he never values it.
I think there is a threshold beyond which no one can put up with such a dominating behavior of her partner.
If you’ve tried all the ways to make your partner understand you and it still doesn’t work, then you need to get out before your partner’s controlling behavior pushes into depression and solitude.
I know this a tough situation for you, but some strong decisions can prove worthful for future.
Stand for yourself strongly. Say clear no to his orders and also take care of your health.
Feel free to ask further.
Happy to help you always.
Thanks.
Be assertive and take tough decisions.
Detailed Answer:
Dear,
Its sad that whatever good you do to your partner, he never values it.
I think there is a threshold beyond which no one can put up with such a dominating behavior of her partner.
If you’ve tried all the ways to make your partner understand you and it still doesn’t work, then you need to get out before your partner’s controlling behavior pushes into depression and solitude.
I know this a tough situation for you, but some strong decisions can prove worthful for future.
Stand for yourself strongly. Say clear no to his orders and also take care of your health.
Feel free to ask further.
Happy to help you always.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
Well you see a lot of people have asked me why I deal with it I have been for a little over a year I talked to a psychic yesterday and she hit the nail on the head so last night I asked him about talking to his ex wife about what the psychic told me he talked to her about and he was very protective he told me to leave her alone I just don't understand why he is so protective over his ex wife he doesn't know I got the information from a psychic
Brief Answer:
Clarify with him about the issues with his ex wife; tell him what you feel.
Detailed Answer:
Thanks for the follow-up again.
Every one has some weakness.
There must be some hidden issues with his ex wife. He might not have told you about those things.
Now to overshadow this, he is trying to dominate you. He has this controlling behavior for you.
First, talk to him clearly about the issues with his ex wife. You have every right to know this.
Second, talk to him calmly about whatever you feel (I know you must be feeling bad when talks to his ex wife) and be assertive with your statements.
Third, do not just compromise since he also does not want to change his behavior as well.
Fourth, you have your own will, own life. Do not let it get controlled by anyone if he does not care for you.
The more confident you stay, the more he will think of changing his behavior (consciously or subconsciously).
I wish you happiness.
You can ask further queries, if you still want to discuss more.
If you wish, you can ask a direct query at your convenience.
Take care.
Dr. Shubham Mehta, MD
Clarify with him about the issues with his ex wife; tell him what you feel.
Detailed Answer:
Thanks for the follow-up again.
Every one has some weakness.
There must be some hidden issues with his ex wife. He might not have told you about those things.
Now to overshadow this, he is trying to dominate you. He has this controlling behavior for you.
First, talk to him clearly about the issues with his ex wife. You have every right to know this.
Second, talk to him calmly about whatever you feel (I know you must be feeling bad when talks to his ex wife) and be assertive with your statements.
Third, do not just compromise since he also does not want to change his behavior as well.
Fourth, you have your own will, own life. Do not let it get controlled by anyone if he does not care for you.
The more confident you stay, the more he will think of changing his behavior (consciously or subconsciously).
I wish you happiness.
You can ask further queries, if you still want to discuss more.
If you wish, you can ask a direct query at your convenience.
Take care.
Dr. Shubham Mehta, MD
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Vaishalee Punj
I know about the issues with his ex wife she got pregnant and didn't want to so she blames him he lied to me and told me last night he talked to her 11 months ago I just spoke with another psychic and she told me they talked 3 days ago and that she is the one approaching him because she wants him back I have just messaged him and informed him I know he talked to her 3 days ago so I told him that he has to choose today whether he wants to be with me or her and if he chooses me that she has to be gone out of the picture completely I mean what else should I say to stand my ground to let him know I'm not going to deal with it
Brief Answer:
bring back family and friends; you are your first priority.
Detailed Answer:
This is highly irresponsible on his part. Even after being in relationship with you, he has been involved with his ex wife and she is pregnant with his child.
Its a good move by you to ask him directly to choose between his ex and you.
Now he may try to manipulate things and give you lame reasons for continuing reasons with you. Do not fall into his manipulative traps.
The sooner you assert yourself, the sooner he is going to have to face up to his own behavior and take notice of your needs. Remember that a man, who truly loves you, will love for who you are.
Most importantly, always remember that YOU are your number one priority. Make sure that everything you do from now on benefits you, and if you are feeling used, or like something is not fair or equal, don’t do it.
Bring back your family and friends. Its high time now. You left them because of him. But when he doesnt values you, your family and friends will be your support system. This will make him realize that you are not dependent on him anymore.
Hope this helps and all gets well for you.
Thanks.
bring back family and friends; you are your first priority.
Detailed Answer:
This is highly irresponsible on his part. Even after being in relationship with you, he has been involved with his ex wife and she is pregnant with his child.
Its a good move by you to ask him directly to choose between his ex and you.
Now he may try to manipulate things and give you lame reasons for continuing reasons with you. Do not fall into his manipulative traps.
The sooner you assert yourself, the sooner he is going to have to face up to his own behavior and take notice of your needs. Remember that a man, who truly loves you, will love for who you are.
Most importantly, always remember that YOU are your number one priority. Make sure that everything you do from now on benefits you, and if you are feeling used, or like something is not fair or equal, don’t do it.
Bring back your family and friends. Its high time now. You left them because of him. But when he doesnt values you, your family and friends will be your support system. This will make him realize that you are not dependent on him anymore.
Hope this helps and all gets well for you.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
she is not pregnant now the child is a teenager now but the pshyic tells me he's talking to her for closure
Brief Answer:
ask for a direct reply from him.
Detailed Answer:
He is talking to her for closure. Its good news. But I would suggest you to confirm this from him yourself.
Be firm in your statement that he should now choose between her and you.
If he truly loves you, he should give you a straight-forward answer and not run around the bush.
This is the high time when he should take a decision.
I hope he understands you.
Thanks.
ask for a direct reply from him.
Detailed Answer:
He is talking to her for closure. Its good news. But I would suggest you to confirm this from him yourself.
Be firm in your statement that he should now choose between her and you.
If he truly loves you, he should give you a straight-forward answer and not run around the bush.
This is the high time when he should take a decision.
I hope he understands you.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
He is talking to her for closure but she is pursuing him because she wants him back but I want to know why he is lying about how long it has been since he talked to her
Brief Answer:
this shows his real nature and character.
Detailed Answer:
I think that is what shows his real nature and character.
He is two-timing you both.
If he would have really loved you, he would have discussed himself about his ex wife and the related issues with you. He would have asked for you suggestions and respected your choices.
But he started accusing and dominating you. You left your family and friends as per his choice. But he could not leave his ex wife.
This is the time when you should his 'yes' or 'no' reply; either you or her. No manipulations, no excuses; just straight answers.
Stand for your rights.
Thanks.
this shows his real nature and character.
Detailed Answer:
I think that is what shows his real nature and character.
He is two-timing you both.
If he would have really loved you, he would have discussed himself about his ex wife and the related issues with you. He would have asked for you suggestions and respected your choices.
But he started accusing and dominating you. You left your family and friends as per his choice. But he could not leave his ex wife.
This is the time when you should his 'yes' or 'no' reply; either you or her. No manipulations, no excuses; just straight answers.
Stand for your rights.
Thanks.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
I will see what he says when he gets home from work and respond to you with his answer
Brief Answer:
will wait for your reply.
Detailed Answer:
Sure. I will wait for your reply.
I hope he gives a positive reply keeping in mind your care and love for him.
But you have to be assertive and ask for a straight-forward reply.
Take care.
will wait for your reply.
Detailed Answer:
Sure. I will wait for your reply.
I hope he gives a positive reply keeping in mind your care and love for him.
But you have to be assertive and ask for a straight-forward reply.
Take care.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
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