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How To Handle A Teenage Boy From Bad Friendship With History Of ADHD?
Question: I have a problem dealing with my son who is in his first year college. We live thousands of miles away and our son is giving us hard time. He was a straight A student but the last two years in high school he started developing bad habits (sleeping at 3 am, not caring about being on time to school, wants to be around his friends during school day) despite all the bad habits he managed to get excellent grades and got 5/5 in 3 AP. Now he is in university but not taking his school seriously he starts the semester with 16 credit hours, dropping one subject each semester. He doesn't attend some of his classes, doesn't do his HW and spends most of his time hanging out with his friends and spending lots of money that is beyond our capability. We kept on talking to him and giving him advices, reduce his allowance but he becomes very argumentive and defensive and looses his temper and never admits he is wrong. Now we are seriously thinking of two solutions
1-dropping him out of school and bringing him home for 1 semester so he can put his act together
2- I go live with him for 1 whole semester to see if he changes his bad habits
He refused both of the options and blaming us that we are mistreating him and we are doing all this fuss because we miss him at home.
I asked his elder brother to talk to him and when he does my 18 years old son looses his temper and stops calling his brother for days
we are so confused on how to deal with him and with the situation that's why I'm seeking a professional help.
Some facts about him
He is extremely smart
Has mild ADHD
He is 18 years old
Smokes and drinks in some weekends
1-dropping him out of school and bringing him home for 1 semester so he can put his act together
2- I go live with him for 1 whole semester to see if he changes his bad habits
He refused both of the options and blaming us that we are mistreating him and we are doing all this fuss because we miss him at home.
I asked his elder brother to talk to him and when he does my 18 years old son looses his temper and stops calling his brother for days
we are so confused on how to deal with him and with the situation that's why I'm seeking a professional help.
Some facts about him
He is extremely smart
Has mild ADHD
He is 18 years old
Smokes and drinks in some weekends
Brief Answer:
Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello, and thanks for your question.
Your son is exhibiting typical behavior for someone his age. During college many teenagers begin to establish their own identity and XXXXXXX often through oppositional behavior. Bringing him home to live with you, or visiting him at school, is only going to make him angry, because that threatens his XXXXXXX Typically the best way to proceed is to let him be as independent as possible, and as he makes mistakes he will learn from them and grow more mature. One thing I notice is that he is spending a lot of money that is yours, not his. You should not allow this. If he wants money, he can earn it himself by working a job at school. I would cut off his funds except for the bare minimum of financial support. These steps will allow him to learn lessons on his own, which is the only way he will grow.
Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.
Consultation
Detailed Answer:
Hello, and thanks for your question.
Your son is exhibiting typical behavior for someone his age. During college many teenagers begin to establish their own identity and XXXXXXX often through oppositional behavior. Bringing him home to live with you, or visiting him at school, is only going to make him angry, because that threatens his XXXXXXX Typically the best way to proceed is to let him be as independent as possible, and as he makes mistakes he will learn from them and grow more mature. One thing I notice is that he is spending a lot of money that is yours, not his. You should not allow this. If he wants money, he can earn it himself by working a job at school. I would cut off his funds except for the bare minimum of financial support. These steps will allow him to learn lessons on his own, which is the only way he will grow.
Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Sonia Raina
My son is so mad at us for threatening him to bring him back home in order for him to put his act together and decide eggs he wants his future to be like. He is currently studying engineering and because he doesn't want to put any effort or time he decided he wants to shift to economics. He continues to aggregate us in so many ways. He frequently doesn't attend his classes and doesn't do his home work. We tried and tried so many times and in different ways to explain to him the reason he is there for but he keeps on arguing that he is trying his best. But what we see he is always in the city till late hours at night like 3 am hanging out with his friends. My son is surrounded by a bunch of rich kids that money isn't a problem to them and he thinks we are at the same level. He goes to a tuff school it's like no 27 in the us that needs him to work hard to continue being there. We are so confused in the way to deal with him and try to explain our financial situation we also made a spread sheet that showed him our monthly earnings and spending.
Our problem is he doesn't admitt he is doing anything wrong and argues that we are rude and heartless parents (he tells his friends how bad parents we are) and all what we talk about or care about is his studying and spending and we don't give home love. He is our youngest child and we spoiled him and never said no to his demands. He gets so violent sometimes and lays a hand on me when we fight over school or spending or friends take advantage of him. I am so confused and don't know what to do his father insists on bringing him home and I don't agree with my husband as I don't want to reunion his future and we keep on fighting over the decision . Please give an idea how to deal with my son in this situation and when he gets angry and arrgumentive
Please let me know if we need to go together to a see a counselor or should I take him to a Pshycatrists
Our problem is he doesn't admitt he is doing anything wrong and argues that we are rude and heartless parents (he tells his friends how bad parents we are) and all what we talk about or care about is his studying and spending and we don't give home love. He is our youngest child and we spoiled him and never said no to his demands. He gets so violent sometimes and lays a hand on me when we fight over school or spending or friends take advantage of him. I am so confused and don't know what to do his father insists on bringing him home and I don't agree with my husband as I don't want to reunion his future and we keep on fighting over the decision . Please give an idea how to deal with my son in this situation and when he gets angry and arrgumentive
Please let me know if we need to go together to a see a counselor or should I take him to a Pshycatrists
Brief Answer:
Followup
Detailed Answer:
As I said, I do not agree that your son should be brought home, this would not solve the problem and would likely make it worse. I think you need to give him more space and more XXXXXXX but less financial assistance, indeed you could consider stopping all money going to him to force him to find a job to support his habits. Your son does not have a psychiatric disorder and does not need to see a psychiatrist. He would only benefit from a counselor if he wants to go, so he cannot be forced into this.
Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.
Followup
Detailed Answer:
As I said, I do not agree that your son should be brought home, this would not solve the problem and would likely make it worse. I think you need to give him more space and more XXXXXXX but less financial assistance, indeed you could consider stopping all money going to him to force him to find a job to support his habits. Your son does not have a psychiatric disorder and does not need to see a psychiatrist. He would only benefit from a counselor if he wants to go, so he cannot be forced into this.
Please remember to rate and close this answer thread when you are finished and satisfied.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Arnab Banerjee
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