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I Am Not Getting Interest In Sex. How To Solve This Problem?

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Posted on Thu, 18 Oct 2012
Question: I am not having the interest or urge to have sex with my wife.
but I have keen interest to have sex with other women. I watch pretty woman and fantasies but never did any inter-course. my this problem is becoming a major issue in my family life.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Simmi Kumari (25 hours later)
Hello XXXXXX,

According to me you have provided very brief account of your problem so I may need further history to help you completely, but still from whatever history you have provided it appears that you have relationship problem with your wife. This problem is not just limited to sex and may have been present before your current concern.

I would like to tell you that the process of performing sex has many parts and all should be working in harmony to have a completed act. Firstly, the physical strength and fully functional sexual organ. Now when you are telling that you feel absolutely normal with other females, it means this component is working well in your case and this is not the issue of concern.

Second and the important requirement is desire to have sex with the person.

If you do not have the desire due to any reason, either conflict, fear, hatred, whatever is the reason, it becomes difficult even for fully functional organ to have full erection and even if person has erection probability of having orgasm reduces markedly.

As you have mentioned you have fantasies for pretty women, it appears that you have your desires but not from your wife and your behaviour has already created a problem in your married life. In such case when person has sexual relationship with his partner those conflict have direct effect on sexual performance and outcome is incomplete sexual act and a vicious cycle get started.

I would suggest that, to solve such issues you should consult a psychologist in nearby area and discuss your personal issues and try to resolve them. Once they will be resolved your current problem will get better automatically and you will be out of this vicious cycle.
Hope I have answered your query. Do let me know if you have further concerns.

Take care
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Shanthi.E
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Answered by
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Dr. Simmi Kumari

Psychiatrist

Practicing since :2005

Answered : 88 Questions

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I Am Not Getting Interest In Sex. How To Solve This Problem?

Hello XXXXXX,

According to me you have provided very brief account of your problem so I may need further history to help you completely, but still from whatever history you have provided it appears that you have relationship problem with your wife. This problem is not just limited to sex and may have been present before your current concern.

I would like to tell you that the process of performing sex has many parts and all should be working in harmony to have a completed act. Firstly, the physical strength and fully functional sexual organ. Now when you are telling that you feel absolutely normal with other females, it means this component is working well in your case and this is not the issue of concern.

Second and the important requirement is desire to have sex with the person.

If you do not have the desire due to any reason, either conflict, fear, hatred, whatever is the reason, it becomes difficult even for fully functional organ to have full erection and even if person has erection probability of having orgasm reduces markedly.

As you have mentioned you have fantasies for pretty women, it appears that you have your desires but not from your wife and your behaviour has already created a problem in your married life. In such case when person has sexual relationship with his partner those conflict have direct effect on sexual performance and outcome is incomplete sexual act and a vicious cycle get started.

I would suggest that, to solve such issues you should consult a psychologist in nearby area and discuss your personal issues and try to resolve them. Once they will be resolved your current problem will get better automatically and you will be out of this vicious cycle.
Hope I have answered your query. Do let me know if you have further concerns.

Take care