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Question: Hi I have a big problem, it is driving me insane, the pain, anger and resentment plus anxiety is so hard.
My husband decided that he is going to help this 21 girl get a better life, and he has painted her apartment and is now fixing her shower stall. He takes out for drives, drives her to where ever she wants to go. Gives her money, it does not end. I have begged and pleaded for him to stop helping her and he said I am going to help her, so I need to put up and shut up. I work at my own business, and I receive no help from him in the household, but he goes and spends hours with this girl. He tells me he is not sexual interested in her what so ever. He just wants to help a troubled young girl on her feet, but he is neglected our home. I am at a loss of what to do, the stress is so hard on me, I have said if you want to continue helping her, I will leave and it seems he wants to continue helping her and the hell with me.
I am at a loss
My husband decided that he is going to help this 21 girl get a better life, and he has painted her apartment and is now fixing her shower stall. He takes out for drives, drives her to where ever she wants to go. Gives her money, it does not end. I have begged and pleaded for him to stop helping her and he said I am going to help her, so I need to put up and shut up. I work at my own business, and I receive no help from him in the household, but he goes and spends hours with this girl. He tells me he is not sexual interested in her what so ever. He just wants to help a troubled young girl on her feet, but he is neglected our home. I am at a loss of what to do, the stress is so hard on me, I have said if you want to continue helping her, I will leave and it seems he wants to continue helping her and the hell with me.
I am at a loss
Brief Answer:
understandably distressed
Detailed Answer:
HI, thanks for using healthcare magic
Your anger and anxiety over this is quite understandable, any wife or partner would feel this way.
Your may be worried that even though he says he has no sexual interest in the young lady ,he may either be lying or may start having feelings for her.
You may be worried about how this relationship is going to impact on your marriage.
It may already be having a negative impact. Because you are understandably angry, it would affect your interactions with your husband.
When you speak to him , when you are in his presence, your anger and anxiety over this would affect any interaction or conversation with him.
This unfortunately would add to any problems.
It is possible that he has no interest other than helping her though this is not the point, as his wife, you are suppose to come first.
It is time for a third party.
You are right in your concerns but he is not hearing you at the moment and unfortunately angry words will lead to more angry words.
A long calm scheduled (so you can prepare yourself to speak clearly and calmly)rational conversation is needed.
If not possible , written words where your distress or concern is expressed.
Would start off on a good note eg I love/ care for you and this hurts because....
As mentioned above, a third party would good. If he wishes to save your marriage will agree to some help.
At this point discussing your concerns with a mutual friend, pastor, marriage counselor or family member would ideal.
The two of you need to sit down and discuss all the issues. He needs to see your side of the equation, if the situation was reversed, he may not be comfortable either.
The third person may be able to discuss all the issues objectively with both of you and may be more likely to listen to something else.
I hope this helps , wishing all the best
understandably distressed
Detailed Answer:
HI, thanks for using healthcare magic
Your anger and anxiety over this is quite understandable, any wife or partner would feel this way.
Your may be worried that even though he says he has no sexual interest in the young lady ,he may either be lying or may start having feelings for her.
You may be worried about how this relationship is going to impact on your marriage.
It may already be having a negative impact. Because you are understandably angry, it would affect your interactions with your husband.
When you speak to him , when you are in his presence, your anger and anxiety over this would affect any interaction or conversation with him.
This unfortunately would add to any problems.
It is possible that he has no interest other than helping her though this is not the point, as his wife, you are suppose to come first.
It is time for a third party.
You are right in your concerns but he is not hearing you at the moment and unfortunately angry words will lead to more angry words.
A long calm scheduled (so you can prepare yourself to speak clearly and calmly)rational conversation is needed.
If not possible , written words where your distress or concern is expressed.
Would start off on a good note eg I love/ care for you and this hurts because....
As mentioned above, a third party would good. If he wishes to save your marriage will agree to some help.
At this point discussing your concerns with a mutual friend, pastor, marriage counselor or family member would ideal.
The two of you need to sit down and discuss all the issues. He needs to see your side of the equation, if the situation was reversed, he may not be comfortable either.
The third person may be able to discuss all the issues objectively with both of you and may be more likely to listen to something else.
I hope this helps , wishing all the best
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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