Question: My mate is 60 years old. We have been together since 2002. When we met, my mate was very outgoing, involved in the church and did odd jobs to earn extra money. He has excellant social skills. However, our relationship has always been conflictual. The problems that contribute to our conflict is that my mate does not have a life. He has no hobbies, no long or short term goals, no vision. His daily activity is watching TV. His source of income is SSI, about $450 a month. He does not have a drug problem. He once did side jobs to supplement his income, but as stopped. I work full time and use our only car for community based visits to clients (social work). He had a chance to buy a car (recieved a settlement) and look for part time employment to stay busy, but instead he bought a lot of expensive clothes. I have made efforts to encourage him to find something to do so that he will not have to stay in the house all day, to no avail. He has a grown son, who lives in another state, whom he calls constantly, and looks rejected if he does not hear from his son. If I allowed him, he would follow (drive) me around on my job daily. I have to constantly tell him that it is not professional to allow my mate to accompany me on my job. It is very embarrassing when your mate follows his wife everywhere, even to all women functions. He seems to be living through me. Our sex life was always infrequent and unfulfilling for me, and began to decline after a couple of years. We currently have no sex life since 2010 (impotent), or close intimate connection, which has also been an issue in our relationship. I noticed that when he is home all day, he looks depressed. He exhibits a lot of immature behaiors,such as, taking money (small change) out of my purse when my back is turned. He does this even though he has money. He is very competitive, gets angry when he loses a game. He is very OCD-hates germs, constanty washes hands, demands that guest takes off shoes when visiting. He seems to connect with women, and appears uncomfortable in the company of strong confident men. FAMILY BACKGROUND: His father was very verbally and physically abusive toward his mother and siblings. His sisters and brothers all exhibit the same non existent life and seem to live through others. His two older brothers (now deceased) were both overly attached to the mother, I suspected that he was too (called mom daily, telling his personal business and possibly ours). His mother and sibings do not lead independent lifestyles (live with their children), and are overly enmeshed in each others lives. I need help in dealing with my mate. Thanks, XXXXXX

Thanks for your response Dr. XXXXXXX Does dependent personality also consist of his immature behaviors and fear of intimacy. Also, why would'nt he buy a car when he had the financial means to better his situation, like any normal man would do? He bought expensive clothes instead. And why the connection to women and the fear of confident men? Thanks, XXXXX

Dr XXXXXXX my husband was outgoing and independent when we met. As I stated, he worked side jobs and I saw a lot of independence. But this independence began to decline. If a person has a dependent personality, why didn't it show when we met, unless I overlooked something. The only thing I noticed was his tendency to latch on to me early in he relationship (clingy and needy). Thanks, XXXXX

Dr XXXXXXX what other disorders are associated with dependent personality disorder. I agree that my husband displays traits of dependent disorder, but something else is going on with him. As you stated, it is diffcult to explain. I see some form of regresion. Reason being, I am a strong independent woman with MSW. I am also an author. My prspective is that the more I progressed towards my career goals, the more he declined. He also gets SSI, an never shared reasons why. Do you know if mental conditions are one of the requirements for recieving SSI benefits? Thanks,XXXX