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Suggest Treatment For Depression And Suicidal Thoughts
Question: Dear Doctor
I am worried and experiencing a dilemma concerning my boyfriend. We have been together for over 9 months nurturing a loving and passionate long distance relationship. He has opened up to me regarding his sexual predilections which I accept fully and completely as I love him. He is committed spiritually, mentally and more so physically and that in itself I am worried about. He is 35, my age, and we both have consented lately to sensual relationship over the phone. My concern is that he is in a state of mental decline, as he has been told he exhibits the signs of an immanent breakdown, due to his sexual proclivities which he tells me can only be fulfilled by me. Prior to me, he has not been able to sustain a truthful relationship with anyone so he in one way or another carried on with life and locked away his fantasies for good. Well at least that's what he thought he did until he met me. At the age of 35, after going through mental depression for almost 20 years, he developed a strong mental connection with me as well as strong sexual attraction. We have made plans to be together but that might not happen due to the fact that we live in different countries and visa issues etc are an obstacle at the moment.
My greatest fear doctor is that he is not in good shape mentally and psychologically. I fear further decline of his condition and a complete breakdown. Yesterday he found comfort in alcohol and smoking to deal with these never subsiding thoughts, even thought of suicide on occasions. I am extremely worried and fearful that if it's not me, he won't be able to carry on a normal life again. He confessed that he has not been able to get an erection with anyone but me for the past 15 years so I suppose this is partly why he can only be happy with me. He was told that he had permanent impotence. After a few months from meeting me, he has regained his potency.
My question is, if I can't be his lifetime partner, what can I do to help him forget about these sexual fantasies he had since he became a teenager. What are the detrimental effects of having such sexual predilections on ones health and more importantly mental health? How can I assist him to have a better quality of life in the event that we don't become a couple living under the one roof? I need to improve his mental state , how can I do that and what kind of help is available for him? Please provide me detailed response if possible as I am extremely concerned.
Many thanks.
I am worried and experiencing a dilemma concerning my boyfriend. We have been together for over 9 months nurturing a loving and passionate long distance relationship. He has opened up to me regarding his sexual predilections which I accept fully and completely as I love him. He is committed spiritually, mentally and more so physically and that in itself I am worried about. He is 35, my age, and we both have consented lately to sensual relationship over the phone. My concern is that he is in a state of mental decline, as he has been told he exhibits the signs of an immanent breakdown, due to his sexual proclivities which he tells me can only be fulfilled by me. Prior to me, he has not been able to sustain a truthful relationship with anyone so he in one way or another carried on with life and locked away his fantasies for good. Well at least that's what he thought he did until he met me. At the age of 35, after going through mental depression for almost 20 years, he developed a strong mental connection with me as well as strong sexual attraction. We have made plans to be together but that might not happen due to the fact that we live in different countries and visa issues etc are an obstacle at the moment.
My greatest fear doctor is that he is not in good shape mentally and psychologically. I fear further decline of his condition and a complete breakdown. Yesterday he found comfort in alcohol and smoking to deal with these never subsiding thoughts, even thought of suicide on occasions. I am extremely worried and fearful that if it's not me, he won't be able to carry on a normal life again. He confessed that he has not been able to get an erection with anyone but me for the past 15 years so I suppose this is partly why he can only be happy with me. He was told that he had permanent impotence. After a few months from meeting me, he has regained his potency.
My question is, if I can't be his lifetime partner, what can I do to help him forget about these sexual fantasies he had since he became a teenager. What are the detrimental effects of having such sexual predilections on ones health and more importantly mental health? How can I assist him to have a better quality of life in the event that we don't become a couple living under the one roof? I need to improve his mental state , how can I do that and what kind of help is available for him? Please provide me detailed response if possible as I am extremely concerned.
Many thanks.
Brief Answer:
He has to take help of a psychiatrist
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXX,
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I appreciate your love and care towards him.I also read your previous communication with Dr.Prajapati occurred a month ago.
From narration and available history I can say he must consult psychiatrist. You are in Australia that I knew from this site but can you tell me, "His location?"
If you both belong to different country, practically you can not do more for him if you can not marry or live with him, I am sorry for that truth.
He seems to be suffering from long means chronic psychological problem.Such chronic problem only dealt by professional like a Psychiatrist.
Just know from him and let me know" Did he consult any psychiatrist before? If yes any type of medicine and/or psychotherapy/counseling taken?"
His sexual fantasies seems to be due to at age 4 raped by someone. Psychodynamic psychotherapy can help in that.
As he started feeling better after meeting you, that's a good thing.I guess your feeling for him helping him.I would like to know," How many times did you meet him personally? and is there any physical relationship between you?"
Currently he has been using smoking and alcohol to fight his stress and suicidal ideas are there, this suggest he might be in depression and required treatment soon.
So best thing you can do ask him to consult psychiatrist and if he is not ready, try to force him emotionally that he should go for you and still not ready try to talk his some friend or relative to take him to psychiatrist.
I will be Happy to guide further after your response.
Thanks & regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.
He has to take help of a psychiatrist
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXXX,
Thanks for using healthcaremagic.
I appreciate your love and care towards him.I also read your previous communication with Dr.Prajapati occurred a month ago.
From narration and available history I can say he must consult psychiatrist. You are in Australia that I knew from this site but can you tell me, "His location?"
If you both belong to different country, practically you can not do more for him if you can not marry or live with him, I am sorry for that truth.
He seems to be suffering from long means chronic psychological problem.Such chronic problem only dealt by professional like a Psychiatrist.
Just know from him and let me know" Did he consult any psychiatrist before? If yes any type of medicine and/or psychotherapy/counseling taken?"
His sexual fantasies seems to be due to at age 4 raped by someone. Psychodynamic psychotherapy can help in that.
As he started feeling better after meeting you, that's a good thing.I guess your feeling for him helping him.I would like to know," How many times did you meet him personally? and is there any physical relationship between you?"
Currently he has been using smoking and alcohol to fight his stress and suicidal ideas are there, this suggest he might be in depression and required treatment soon.
So best thing you can do ask him to consult psychiatrist and if he is not ready, try to force him emotionally that he should go for you and still not ready try to talk his some friend or relative to take him to psychiatrist.
I will be Happy to guide further after your response.
Thanks & regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
Answered by
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