Question: I'm 43 and my husband I started to try to have children when I was 26 years of age (we married when I was 24). After 18 months of nothing, we discovered that my husband carried two cystic fibrosis genes the cause of our infertility (absence of the vas deferens). We went through IVF many times and gave up when I was 34 years of age. Donor was not an option for me as I only wanted to have children with my husband whom I love enormously. I have at times been ok with not having children and then other times,something has reminded me - a small child and the grief has caught up with me. Last night, while my hormones were at their lowest (menstrual cycle) I couldn't stop crying for what we have missed out on. I sobbed openly and rather loudly. We have an incredibly fruitful life, both professionals, both successful and a wonderfully happy and loving marriage. I have felt unable to grieve to my husband as he feels responsible for our not having children. I find it incredibly difficult to talk to any of my friends as they all have children and don't really understand.I also find this very private to discuss. I tried counselling just once at the fertility centre, but the counsellor could not offer any solutions to grief especially when my husband just feels so guilty. I didn't wish to return for any further sessions. I'm pretty sure this will pass but I really don't want to cry myself to sleep and openly weep anymore especially not in front of my husband. If you could suggestion some coping strategies especially when I am reminded each month of not having children, I would be most grateful. I think there must be a last burst of hormones or something. I don't have any depressive tendencies except for a day or two when I feel lost and sad about not having any children. I do come out of it and get on with things fairly quickly.

Thank you.