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Question: I don't know if this is the right place to be asking about things like procrastination and difficulty with school work, but I feel as though in the past 10-12 years, a terrible, drastic change has come over me. I used to be a model student studying on a scholarship at a good school. But around the age of 12-13 just after I entered secondary school I started to become incredibly forlorn. It was just after Christmas of second year that it seemed I stopped handing in work promptly, and then I stopped handing it in altogether.
At the time it I was aware that I was simply very tired, and the idea of completing all this homework which I wanted to achieve top grades in seemed to completely paralyse me motivationally. Instead I would go to sleep early at 7pm, and wake up in the morning yet feeling completely unrested. And this exhaustion continued day after day, week after week, and I found each school night I would push things to the back because of the tiredness and the dread which only continued to mount.
In additions to this I underwent drastic personality changes. I used to be loud, outgoing, very involved in drama, sports, writing and had very little ability expressing myself. Suddenly I found myself quitting all of these activities, I couldn't project my voice loud enough on stage for people to hear, I stopped speaking up in class and took on a very self-critical approach to handling my every day life. I became horribly sullen at home, particularly in the mornings when I didn't have the energy to open my mouth to speak to my mum in the car because I hadn't slept really for more than 2-3 hours. This all severely affected my whole schooling experience. I haven't recovered from anything even though I'm now 22 years old.
10 years down the line and I've only gotten worse. Though I managed to get into university, I'm now facing the possibility of being kicked out because I can't pass my exams. I had never considered that there might be something medically that could help me. But this is something I'm now curious to approach, and I feel very much that I'm completely at the end of my rope. I don't feel I have very many options open to me now. I would like to know what you think might be wrong with me and what I can do about it. After taking online tests, I receive a lot of high positive results for things like anxiety and depression, but I think my GP doesn't take my issues seriously. I believe she thinks I'm simply trying to find a scapegoat for bad behaviour, but I don't know if the simple solution is and has always been just to try harder. If that's all it is, then I think I may have reached the end of the line as far as possible solutions go.
At the time it I was aware that I was simply very tired, and the idea of completing all this homework which I wanted to achieve top grades in seemed to completely paralyse me motivationally. Instead I would go to sleep early at 7pm, and wake up in the morning yet feeling completely unrested. And this exhaustion continued day after day, week after week, and I found each school night I would push things to the back because of the tiredness and the dread which only continued to mount.
In additions to this I underwent drastic personality changes. I used to be loud, outgoing, very involved in drama, sports, writing and had very little ability expressing myself. Suddenly I found myself quitting all of these activities, I couldn't project my voice loud enough on stage for people to hear, I stopped speaking up in class and took on a very self-critical approach to handling my every day life. I became horribly sullen at home, particularly in the mornings when I didn't have the energy to open my mouth to speak to my mum in the car because I hadn't slept really for more than 2-3 hours. This all severely affected my whole schooling experience. I haven't recovered from anything even though I'm now 22 years old.
10 years down the line and I've only gotten worse. Though I managed to get into university, I'm now facing the possibility of being kicked out because I can't pass my exams. I had never considered that there might be something medically that could help me. But this is something I'm now curious to approach, and I feel very much that I'm completely at the end of my rope. I don't feel I have very many options open to me now. I would like to know what you think might be wrong with me and what I can do about it. After taking online tests, I receive a lot of high positive results for things like anxiety and depression, but I think my GP doesn't take my issues seriously. I believe she thinks I'm simply trying to find a scapegoat for bad behaviour, but I don't know if the simple solution is and has always been just to try harder. If that's all it is, then I think I may have reached the end of the line as far as possible solutions go.
Brief Answer:
Not an easy answer
Detailed Answer:
Good morning young lady. My name is Dr. Saghafi and I am a neurologist in the XXXXXXX OH area and would like to speak to you briefly about some options I think you may wish to consider.
I can tell you that you are NOT ALONE in what you describe, which by the way you do very eloquently, and that there are more people out there in your same situation than you may know. In fact, your description of waning interests in academia and getting things accomplished almost parallels what my eldest son seems to be going through and he is nearly your age. So what I tell you here as a doctor and opinions I have used on my own family and given advice to others similarly.
First of all, you are correct in stating that there is a culture in our society, indeed over the whole world probably, which states that such feelings or attitudes likely simply boils down to "depression," "anxiety," or to put it bluntly, "Laziness." Am I right about that? In other words, the world believes that a person who was once productive and smart and good who suddenly just either drops off the radar or slowly fades is just burned or burning out and doesn't want to work anymore.
That may or may not be the case and no amount of psychological testing or counseling seems to help that sort of picture. It even becomes difficult for the individual to tell what is "lack of motivation" due to internal distaste for what one is doing or trying to do vs. true depression, anxiety, lack of confidence which then, puts up a true mental and even physical road block (i.e. people who suddenly start throwing up before exams or get abdominal pains which are incurable for no apparent medical reason, etc.).
I wish I had a XXXXXXX answer that I knew worked in every single case because if I did I'd start with my own son who is also going to an outstanding university (my XXXXXXX mater) on a terrific scholarship but who is likely at the bottom of his class academically because he hasn't opened a book in 4 years while in college....10 years if you count since he stopped really working from Jr. High although he flew threw those years because he was just simply bright enough to get by simply by attending class and doing a minimum of work in terms of papers and projects!
To some extent I went through similar straits when I was in college but somewhere in the middle of my sophomore to junior years I snapped out of it because I got involved in a varsity sport which was very difficult for me and required that I train very hard physically and mentally in order to survive against my teammates who were nice enough to me but had very little time or patience to be teaching someone who had no experience. In other words, I can my butt handed to me every day in the room at practice and in competition.
But, I refused to say "die" because of pride or stubborness or just the idea that I had started something that nobody thought I should've even tried due to lack of experience and knowledge, and I didn't want to admit or show defeat so I kept taking poundings and beatings (literally) in practices when everyone thought I would just have suffered enough and get out of it. I tell you this personal story because I believe it took those types of experiences in my case to show me that not only was I capable of sailing into adversity and surviving but that FOR ME that was the key to academic success as well. To that point in college I was not very motivated either and had even been on probation academically. I was between majors, saying that I was pre-med but then, not really cutting the grades that everybody else was doing. I HATED studying for exams in almost anything and thought I could just absorb and regurgitate....which I could to an extent but not when it came to the hard core sciences.
However, this varsity (wrestling) experience that I just happened to fall into one day did help me prove to myself that I could get into something that was liable to hurt physically and mentally (it was embarrassing to constantly look idiotic getting beat up by people who were either smaller or younger in some cases than I was) and still survive and not only that, come out doing well enough in that I began earning respect...from the team, from the coach....in short it helped me gain the focus and discipline I was lacking academically.
As soon as I saw myself improving in my sport little by little (I became a gym rat over the summers) and came back the next year to EARN A VARSITY POSITION and eventually LETTER in the sport and become competetive I started immediately applying that to my studies. I became interested in mathematics and even though people told me I couldn't do that as a major to get into medical school I decided to show everybody they were dead wrong....and that I would do it. It then, became a goal for me to not only excel in mathematics but to use that major and its successes to help show and convince medical school officials that I had the stuff to get in. I studied myself silly for the entrance exams by doing what I hated the most (READING BOOKS AND MEMORIZING ANSWERS) and did well enough the first time around on the boards to be able to apply to the school of my choice. In the mean time I made sure that I led the pack in my math class and started getting involved in clubs and projects, talks, and symposia.....I suddenly somehow turned a switch on and for the next 2 years in college became a ramrod mathematician that nobody thought I could ever be....I really didn't think I could do that either....I became a tutor in the dept. Students would come and wait for me to get done with someone else just to see me because I explained things passionately and completely. Hey, I was primed and had to do it for the cause. Make sense?
The rest is history and now I'm a neurologist who still goes through the same difficulties of having to motivate himself to do things that I HAVE TO DO but I very much enjoy what I'm doing and get a thrill out of helping others understand some of their problems to whatever extent possible according to the limits of the science.
I know it's been somewhat of a rant on my end and I haven't talked to you about concrete things that might apply to you. But I think you're clearly SMART and organized about things from the way to write. I think the way I turned myself on you can do the same.
What's your passion? What really gets you stoked to think about that if you could do it all day long you'd never stop? Writing? You're clearly good at that...philosophisizing? I sense that you can do that....figuring things out? You definitely show potential there. Find that spark of something and DO IT EVERYDAY...in my case it began as a physically oriented activity of wrestling.
By the way, I am now the assistant wrestling coach at the university where 3 of my kids go AND I still compete in open tournaments (I'm 54 years old) and I work out nearly daily....always carve out that ME TIME when it comes to physical fitness...very important.
In terms of your doctor not believing that things could be medically wrong or whatever....you've got to battle that culture and let them think what they want to think. I don't know if you're suffering from depression in the clinical sense....I'm not a psychiatrist....but I think you've got the tools from what I can sense to implement a program similar to what I'm describing. I'm trying to convince my son the same thing. He was going to take time off from school but now he's decided to return this semester and get back into things by starting and taking courses over again that he didn't do well in before....he didn't necessarily fail the courses but he just didn't do well and he wants to go back and kill them now...or so he says...we'll see. But I told him that's a great start.
In your case, (and in mine) the start was tough because even though I told you to find that spark, that passion, that thing you want or could do well everyday....you've got to be able to accept the fact that there are a lot of crap courses, papers, teachers, and classes that are going to bore you to tears that are necessary to take because that's the system and frankly, THAT'S LIFE MAN! That is life.....it's never everything you want to do 24/7.....you can make it as close as you can by being creative but there are always going to be things you HAVE TO DO that you don't want.....
BUT YOU MUST MAKE YOUR GOAL AND YOUR DICTUM TO BE THE BEST. Don't let anybody else sense that YOU'RE not an expert in whatever class or thing you're involved in.....either pretend you're the expert by being the best student in the class....or show that you are passionately interested in learning the game, learning the sport, learning the activity, and will not back down because others beat you....and you will earn respect.
Getting down to just a couple more brass tacks and then, I'll shutup.....what about your parents? Have you talked to them or is there a barrier there? Frustration, indecision, are they just hands off at this point because "it's your life, she's 22, going to have to find her own way, we've done our best?" Is that where it's at or is it different?
Have you been checked by your physician for medical conditions such as hypothyroidism, low cortisol function, nutritional deficiencies such as Vitamin D, and so forth? I'm sure you have been....are your menses regular, no hormonal problems or issues?
Psychologically you say you've taken Internet types of evaluations but have you perhaps seen a psychologist yourself to review things that could possibly stopping you such feelings of fear, insecurity, shame for other reasons? Do you suffer possibly from some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? They may be able to help you identify specific personality traits that you could exploit to your advantage and some that you may be able to strengthen to make the idea of "kicking" yourself into gear more plausible and reliable.
I hope some of what I've said resonates and would like to hear your thoughts on this a bit more. If you care to continue this discussion a bit further please write back. If not, I understand and would simply appreciate your feedback and a STAR RATING for this encounter so I can know if I was able to approach anything you were looking for with success.
Also, if you don't plan to write back with more questions or comments would you be so kind as to CLOSE THE QUERY so as to alert the network that I have satisfactorily addressed the consult so that it may be filed for future reference or educational purposes?
I wish you well. Cheers! GO GET 'EM! LOL.......
This query required 58 minutes of physician specific time to review, research, and prepare final documentation for envoy.
Not an easy answer
Detailed Answer:
Good morning young lady. My name is Dr. Saghafi and I am a neurologist in the XXXXXXX OH area and would like to speak to you briefly about some options I think you may wish to consider.
I can tell you that you are NOT ALONE in what you describe, which by the way you do very eloquently, and that there are more people out there in your same situation than you may know. In fact, your description of waning interests in academia and getting things accomplished almost parallels what my eldest son seems to be going through and he is nearly your age. So what I tell you here as a doctor and opinions I have used on my own family and given advice to others similarly.
First of all, you are correct in stating that there is a culture in our society, indeed over the whole world probably, which states that such feelings or attitudes likely simply boils down to "depression," "anxiety," or to put it bluntly, "Laziness." Am I right about that? In other words, the world believes that a person who was once productive and smart and good who suddenly just either drops off the radar or slowly fades is just burned or burning out and doesn't want to work anymore.
That may or may not be the case and no amount of psychological testing or counseling seems to help that sort of picture. It even becomes difficult for the individual to tell what is "lack of motivation" due to internal distaste for what one is doing or trying to do vs. true depression, anxiety, lack of confidence which then, puts up a true mental and even physical road block (i.e. people who suddenly start throwing up before exams or get abdominal pains which are incurable for no apparent medical reason, etc.).
I wish I had a XXXXXXX answer that I knew worked in every single case because if I did I'd start with my own son who is also going to an outstanding university (my XXXXXXX mater) on a terrific scholarship but who is likely at the bottom of his class academically because he hasn't opened a book in 4 years while in college....10 years if you count since he stopped really working from Jr. High although he flew threw those years because he was just simply bright enough to get by simply by attending class and doing a minimum of work in terms of papers and projects!
To some extent I went through similar straits when I was in college but somewhere in the middle of my sophomore to junior years I snapped out of it because I got involved in a varsity sport which was very difficult for me and required that I train very hard physically and mentally in order to survive against my teammates who were nice enough to me but had very little time or patience to be teaching someone who had no experience. In other words, I can my butt handed to me every day in the room at practice and in competition.
But, I refused to say "die" because of pride or stubborness or just the idea that I had started something that nobody thought I should've even tried due to lack of experience and knowledge, and I didn't want to admit or show defeat so I kept taking poundings and beatings (literally) in practices when everyone thought I would just have suffered enough and get out of it. I tell you this personal story because I believe it took those types of experiences in my case to show me that not only was I capable of sailing into adversity and surviving but that FOR ME that was the key to academic success as well. To that point in college I was not very motivated either and had even been on probation academically. I was between majors, saying that I was pre-med but then, not really cutting the grades that everybody else was doing. I HATED studying for exams in almost anything and thought I could just absorb and regurgitate....which I could to an extent but not when it came to the hard core sciences.
However, this varsity (wrestling) experience that I just happened to fall into one day did help me prove to myself that I could get into something that was liable to hurt physically and mentally (it was embarrassing to constantly look idiotic getting beat up by people who were either smaller or younger in some cases than I was) and still survive and not only that, come out doing well enough in that I began earning respect...from the team, from the coach....in short it helped me gain the focus and discipline I was lacking academically.
As soon as I saw myself improving in my sport little by little (I became a gym rat over the summers) and came back the next year to EARN A VARSITY POSITION and eventually LETTER in the sport and become competetive I started immediately applying that to my studies. I became interested in mathematics and even though people told me I couldn't do that as a major to get into medical school I decided to show everybody they were dead wrong....and that I would do it. It then, became a goal for me to not only excel in mathematics but to use that major and its successes to help show and convince medical school officials that I had the stuff to get in. I studied myself silly for the entrance exams by doing what I hated the most (READING BOOKS AND MEMORIZING ANSWERS) and did well enough the first time around on the boards to be able to apply to the school of my choice. In the mean time I made sure that I led the pack in my math class and started getting involved in clubs and projects, talks, and symposia.....I suddenly somehow turned a switch on and for the next 2 years in college became a ramrod mathematician that nobody thought I could ever be....I really didn't think I could do that either....I became a tutor in the dept. Students would come and wait for me to get done with someone else just to see me because I explained things passionately and completely. Hey, I was primed and had to do it for the cause. Make sense?
The rest is history and now I'm a neurologist who still goes through the same difficulties of having to motivate himself to do things that I HAVE TO DO but I very much enjoy what I'm doing and get a thrill out of helping others understand some of their problems to whatever extent possible according to the limits of the science.
I know it's been somewhat of a rant on my end and I haven't talked to you about concrete things that might apply to you. But I think you're clearly SMART and organized about things from the way to write. I think the way I turned myself on you can do the same.
What's your passion? What really gets you stoked to think about that if you could do it all day long you'd never stop? Writing? You're clearly good at that...philosophisizing? I sense that you can do that....figuring things out? You definitely show potential there. Find that spark of something and DO IT EVERYDAY...in my case it began as a physically oriented activity of wrestling.
By the way, I am now the assistant wrestling coach at the university where 3 of my kids go AND I still compete in open tournaments (I'm 54 years old) and I work out nearly daily....always carve out that ME TIME when it comes to physical fitness...very important.
In terms of your doctor not believing that things could be medically wrong or whatever....you've got to battle that culture and let them think what they want to think. I don't know if you're suffering from depression in the clinical sense....I'm not a psychiatrist....but I think you've got the tools from what I can sense to implement a program similar to what I'm describing. I'm trying to convince my son the same thing. He was going to take time off from school but now he's decided to return this semester and get back into things by starting and taking courses over again that he didn't do well in before....he didn't necessarily fail the courses but he just didn't do well and he wants to go back and kill them now...or so he says...we'll see. But I told him that's a great start.
In your case, (and in mine) the start was tough because even though I told you to find that spark, that passion, that thing you want or could do well everyday....you've got to be able to accept the fact that there are a lot of crap courses, papers, teachers, and classes that are going to bore you to tears that are necessary to take because that's the system and frankly, THAT'S LIFE MAN! That is life.....it's never everything you want to do 24/7.....you can make it as close as you can by being creative but there are always going to be things you HAVE TO DO that you don't want.....
BUT YOU MUST MAKE YOUR GOAL AND YOUR DICTUM TO BE THE BEST. Don't let anybody else sense that YOU'RE not an expert in whatever class or thing you're involved in.....either pretend you're the expert by being the best student in the class....or show that you are passionately interested in learning the game, learning the sport, learning the activity, and will not back down because others beat you....and you will earn respect.
Getting down to just a couple more brass tacks and then, I'll shutup.....what about your parents? Have you talked to them or is there a barrier there? Frustration, indecision, are they just hands off at this point because "it's your life, she's 22, going to have to find her own way, we've done our best?" Is that where it's at or is it different?
Have you been checked by your physician for medical conditions such as hypothyroidism, low cortisol function, nutritional deficiencies such as Vitamin D, and so forth? I'm sure you have been....are your menses regular, no hormonal problems or issues?
Psychologically you say you've taken Internet types of evaluations but have you perhaps seen a psychologist yourself to review things that could possibly stopping you such feelings of fear, insecurity, shame for other reasons? Do you suffer possibly from some form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)? They may be able to help you identify specific personality traits that you could exploit to your advantage and some that you may be able to strengthen to make the idea of "kicking" yourself into gear more plausible and reliable.
I hope some of what I've said resonates and would like to hear your thoughts on this a bit more. If you care to continue this discussion a bit further please write back. If not, I understand and would simply appreciate your feedback and a STAR RATING for this encounter so I can know if I was able to approach anything you were looking for with success.
Also, if you don't plan to write back with more questions or comments would you be so kind as to CLOSE THE QUERY so as to alert the network that I have satisfactorily addressed the consult so that it may be filed for future reference or educational purposes?
I wish you well. Cheers! GO GET 'EM! LOL.......
This query required 58 minutes of physician specific time to review, research, and prepare final documentation for envoy.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Dear Dr. Saghafi,
Thank you so much for your very complete and heartfelt response. I sense from your answer that the key to this may be a thoroughly holistic approach. I appreciate the analogies you paint of both yourself and your son, and the way they curiously mirror my own difficulties. I hope your son also manages to find his footing once again under your loving parental guidance.
I find your advice to be well placed, that I try to focus on challenging hobbies or interests that may catapult the same drive and ambition in me that I would use for my studies. I think perhaps subconsciously I may have been attempting this very thing with my writing, which I began to do competitively and with the view of making it a companion to my parallel career aspirations. However, what has concerned me is that even for something that I have loved doing and for so long, I suddenly find that the pleasure fades quite dramatically now. For example, I entered a very rigorous, 3-month long poetry contest in which we were to pen one poem on a theme each day for the chance of winning prizes at the end. Immediately I received very encouraging feedback and seemed to appear like a dark horse in the rankings. But oddly this praise only made it more difficult for me to continue, as I constantly felt that I'd set a bar that I'd never again be able to meet or conquer. It was as though all that I had written was a massive fluke, and that unless I kept up an impossibly high standard I would be revealed as the fake I had always been. I would go through weeks of dark, dark moods and crying spells during these competitions. No sooner would I feel enlightened by generous comments, than I would go crashing back down to somewhere internal and unforgiving.
Unfortunately, as a result of this incredibly counterproductive mindset, my writing is very seasonal. Not frequent enough to feel pressured by it, and equally not prolific enough to feel that I had really accomplished anything. And I find this is also reflected in my school/college work. I can throw all my energy into one great piece that makes an experienced tutor raise their eyebrows, but never now do I have the emotional energy to see through continuous achievement. There was a time when I could do this like clockwork. It's almost like a pervading mental weariness which I can't seem to deflect.
It could be that what I need is something much less cognitive to work at like a sport as you did. My ongoing concern however is that I'll use this as another way to avoid studying. I took up rowing at the beginning of 1st year university, went to all the training and boating sessions, got into decent physical shape, but realised what I was actually doing was using up what little emotional energy I had on this one-off sport leaving none left to share with my work. What I find in general is that now if I accomplish just a small handful of things in the day, it has been a 'successful' one. Everything seems to take an inordinate amount of self-talk and push before it can even begin, like I've just completely retreated into myself. I don't know if this is because I seem to have lost a certain vitality and lust for life therefore I experience inertia with everything, or if by doing little it makes it seem difficult to do more. I find I can do more, but as the same old story goes, it's unsustainable. Hence why I began to think, maybe I require a more psychopharmaceutical approach.
I am blessed with very loving parents but who haven't always understood where I'm coming from. I know that I have learned to push them away because of fear for the harshness of their disciplinarian side. Frankly it is difficult for them to understand (understandably) how I could have derailed myself so completely, and I tend to encourage them to leave me to sort it out on my own, as often the biggest turmoil comes when I try to share my problems and difficulties with them. I know that I have engineered a very lonely relationship with them now. That has been one of the worst consequences of this that I've had to come to terms with. At this point, I haven't let them realise quite how bad things are with me because I recall previous experiences at school, and must say they were some of the worst periods of my life to have gone through, with my mum physically hitting me for the first time.
Yes, I've been checked out by my GP. The only anomaly in the blood test was that my Vitamin D levels came back very low at 14mg/dl. I'm now taking supplements, though she did advise that the link between Vit. D and mood disorders is controversial and may have little bearing on my current complaints. I haven't noticed any change yet. I often have delayed menses, sometimes missing them for 2-3 months, often around exam time.
I did also make a couple of appointments with my college psychiatrist, however he had a very unorthodox approach and I felt that I couldn't express myself properly to him. He made a lot of interruptions as I explained things, and I often lost my train of thought and became flustered. Half-way through the second appointment he discharged me with the recommendation that I continue with group counselling. Ever since I have been undecided whether I should take that as a sign not to pursue a second opinion, or to bite the bullet and go privately to see another one more time. Do you think I should do this?
I don't know if any of the above continues to resonate with your own personal story, if so I may be able to finally figure out how to overcome this strange and unfamiliar world I've created for myself. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. And apologies on my part for veering so far from the medical realm in this rambling comment!
Kind regards,
XXXXXXX
Thank you so much for your very complete and heartfelt response. I sense from your answer that the key to this may be a thoroughly holistic approach. I appreciate the analogies you paint of both yourself and your son, and the way they curiously mirror my own difficulties. I hope your son also manages to find his footing once again under your loving parental guidance.
I find your advice to be well placed, that I try to focus on challenging hobbies or interests that may catapult the same drive and ambition in me that I would use for my studies. I think perhaps subconsciously I may have been attempting this very thing with my writing, which I began to do competitively and with the view of making it a companion to my parallel career aspirations. However, what has concerned me is that even for something that I have loved doing and for so long, I suddenly find that the pleasure fades quite dramatically now. For example, I entered a very rigorous, 3-month long poetry contest in which we were to pen one poem on a theme each day for the chance of winning prizes at the end. Immediately I received very encouraging feedback and seemed to appear like a dark horse in the rankings. But oddly this praise only made it more difficult for me to continue, as I constantly felt that I'd set a bar that I'd never again be able to meet or conquer. It was as though all that I had written was a massive fluke, and that unless I kept up an impossibly high standard I would be revealed as the fake I had always been. I would go through weeks of dark, dark moods and crying spells during these competitions. No sooner would I feel enlightened by generous comments, than I would go crashing back down to somewhere internal and unforgiving.
Unfortunately, as a result of this incredibly counterproductive mindset, my writing is very seasonal. Not frequent enough to feel pressured by it, and equally not prolific enough to feel that I had really accomplished anything. And I find this is also reflected in my school/college work. I can throw all my energy into one great piece that makes an experienced tutor raise their eyebrows, but never now do I have the emotional energy to see through continuous achievement. There was a time when I could do this like clockwork. It's almost like a pervading mental weariness which I can't seem to deflect.
It could be that what I need is something much less cognitive to work at like a sport as you did. My ongoing concern however is that I'll use this as another way to avoid studying. I took up rowing at the beginning of 1st year university, went to all the training and boating sessions, got into decent physical shape, but realised what I was actually doing was using up what little emotional energy I had on this one-off sport leaving none left to share with my work. What I find in general is that now if I accomplish just a small handful of things in the day, it has been a 'successful' one. Everything seems to take an inordinate amount of self-talk and push before it can even begin, like I've just completely retreated into myself. I don't know if this is because I seem to have lost a certain vitality and lust for life therefore I experience inertia with everything, or if by doing little it makes it seem difficult to do more. I find I can do more, but as the same old story goes, it's unsustainable. Hence why I began to think, maybe I require a more psychopharmaceutical approach.
I am blessed with very loving parents but who haven't always understood where I'm coming from. I know that I have learned to push them away because of fear for the harshness of their disciplinarian side. Frankly it is difficult for them to understand (understandably) how I could have derailed myself so completely, and I tend to encourage them to leave me to sort it out on my own, as often the biggest turmoil comes when I try to share my problems and difficulties with them. I know that I have engineered a very lonely relationship with them now. That has been one of the worst consequences of this that I've had to come to terms with. At this point, I haven't let them realise quite how bad things are with me because I recall previous experiences at school, and must say they were some of the worst periods of my life to have gone through, with my mum physically hitting me for the first time.
Yes, I've been checked out by my GP. The only anomaly in the blood test was that my Vitamin D levels came back very low at 14mg/dl. I'm now taking supplements, though she did advise that the link between Vit. D and mood disorders is controversial and may have little bearing on my current complaints. I haven't noticed any change yet. I often have delayed menses, sometimes missing them for 2-3 months, often around exam time.
I did also make a couple of appointments with my college psychiatrist, however he had a very unorthodox approach and I felt that I couldn't express myself properly to him. He made a lot of interruptions as I explained things, and I often lost my train of thought and became flustered. Half-way through the second appointment he discharged me with the recommendation that I continue with group counselling. Ever since I have been undecided whether I should take that as a sign not to pursue a second opinion, or to bite the bullet and go privately to see another one more time. Do you think I should do this?
I don't know if any of the above continues to resonate with your own personal story, if so I may be able to finally figure out how to overcome this strange and unfamiliar world I've created for myself. I look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience. And apologies on my part for veering so far from the medical realm in this rambling comment!
Kind regards,
XXXXXXX
Brief Answer:
Please excuse the brevity of this response
Detailed Answer:
Good morning! I am answering this in a very brief way and wish to share more thoughts on other things that you've said but must be on the run to see a few patients so perhaps if you'll respond then, I'll have that opportunity back again later today or more likely this evening.
I've read what you've written a couple of times and continue to be impressed with your writing drive and potential. Here is what I want to say in this short quip of a note as I dash out the door. As a neurologist for the past 15 years I've had the opportunity to see many patients diagnosed with a number of problems having to do with motivational types of disorders, ADD, ADHD, and other variations on a theme. I've often wondered (obviously) if even I, my son, friends, or colleagues of mine could or could've be legitimately labeled the same and whether or not pharmacological interventions could've or should've been used.
I never have stopped wondering about those sorts of things. The fact is I never used medications, neither has my son, neither have my friends or colleagues whom I feel "deserve" to try that approach given the culture of today, the modern theories, science, and supposedly better medications available. Notwithstanding, I feel that I've come out on top of it as have all the other people I mentioned, save my son...but he's only 20.....he's got time! LOL!
In my estimation those who have benefited from pharmacological support or intervention have also been involved with heavy duty cognitive behavioral support (some even with religious supports by speaking with their priests/ministers). Those who have not benefited have been those by and large in whom either I never believed really should've been placed on medication to begin with or if they were good candidates, relied entirely on medication for results that didn't pan out which only served to make them more frustrated and difficult to treat afterward.
In other words, their expectations were so high for a good result that when they didn't get it they became deflated to even lower levels than from where they started. Obviously, that can't be a good scenario.
Lots of examples of that sort of similar thing in medicine exists even treating organic diseases, not just psychological sorts of issues. What I've learned and have embraced as a professional modus operandi if you will is that where possible always consider Multipronged approaches to problems. And that would also include the use of pharmacological agents in situations such as this but only after much hard thought and deliberation on the best agent given the individual and the circumstance, what the expectations are on EVERYONE's part,what the EXIT STRATEGY is going to be from these drugs, AND ON WHAT TIME TABLE we are talking.
I would say that the proportion of people on some form of medication in your condition that I've seen that could be considered successful is right around 30%. I attribute their success to the fact that they were involved in an organized plan and approach as I describe above.
70% on medications are either the same or ultimately worse than when they started based upon the LACK OF an organized plan and approach as described above.
Let me leave with you this thought as well. If you'd be interested in continuing this conversation on a webcam platform so we can go "face to face" there is another service which I am a provider called HealthTap (www.healthtap.com). My schedule is little crazy right now but if you were interested in making a webcam connection with me I am on shifts in the State of OH on Wed's, Thurs's, Fri's, and Sat's from 3a-7a. That is Eastern Standard Time (New York time). In September I will also add an 11p-3a shift so I don't know if that might be a little bit better (depending where you'd be tieing in from).
Cheers and have a great rest of the weekend wherever you are.
P.S. It may cause you to chuckle if I tell you that my son has a terrible NUT ALLERGY. Including COCOnut.......is that really from the nut family? Whatever! Maybe a new saying should be invented......"Great minds hate NUTS!"
Please excuse the brevity of this response
Detailed Answer:
Good morning! I am answering this in a very brief way and wish to share more thoughts on other things that you've said but must be on the run to see a few patients so perhaps if you'll respond then, I'll have that opportunity back again later today or more likely this evening.
I've read what you've written a couple of times and continue to be impressed with your writing drive and potential. Here is what I want to say in this short quip of a note as I dash out the door. As a neurologist for the past 15 years I've had the opportunity to see many patients diagnosed with a number of problems having to do with motivational types of disorders, ADD, ADHD, and other variations on a theme. I've often wondered (obviously) if even I, my son, friends, or colleagues of mine could or could've be legitimately labeled the same and whether or not pharmacological interventions could've or should've been used.
I never have stopped wondering about those sorts of things. The fact is I never used medications, neither has my son, neither have my friends or colleagues whom I feel "deserve" to try that approach given the culture of today, the modern theories, science, and supposedly better medications available. Notwithstanding, I feel that I've come out on top of it as have all the other people I mentioned, save my son...but he's only 20.....he's got time! LOL!
In my estimation those who have benefited from pharmacological support or intervention have also been involved with heavy duty cognitive behavioral support (some even with religious supports by speaking with their priests/ministers). Those who have not benefited have been those by and large in whom either I never believed really should've been placed on medication to begin with or if they were good candidates, relied entirely on medication for results that didn't pan out which only served to make them more frustrated and difficult to treat afterward.
In other words, their expectations were so high for a good result that when they didn't get it they became deflated to even lower levels than from where they started. Obviously, that can't be a good scenario.
Lots of examples of that sort of similar thing in medicine exists even treating organic diseases, not just psychological sorts of issues. What I've learned and have embraced as a professional modus operandi if you will is that where possible always consider Multipronged approaches to problems. And that would also include the use of pharmacological agents in situations such as this but only after much hard thought and deliberation on the best agent given the individual and the circumstance, what the expectations are on EVERYONE's part,what the EXIT STRATEGY is going to be from these drugs, AND ON WHAT TIME TABLE we are talking.
I would say that the proportion of people on some form of medication in your condition that I've seen that could be considered successful is right around 30%. I attribute their success to the fact that they were involved in an organized plan and approach as I describe above.
70% on medications are either the same or ultimately worse than when they started based upon the LACK OF an organized plan and approach as described above.
Let me leave with you this thought as well. If you'd be interested in continuing this conversation on a webcam platform so we can go "face to face" there is another service which I am a provider called HealthTap (www.healthtap.com). My schedule is little crazy right now but if you were interested in making a webcam connection with me I am on shifts in the State of OH on Wed's, Thurs's, Fri's, and Sat's from 3a-7a. That is Eastern Standard Time (New York time). In September I will also add an 11p-3a shift so I don't know if that might be a little bit better (depending where you'd be tieing in from).
Cheers and have a great rest of the weekend wherever you are.
P.S. It may cause you to chuckle if I tell you that my son has a terrible NUT ALLERGY. Including COCOnut.......is that really from the nut family? Whatever! Maybe a new saying should be invented......"Great minds hate NUTS!"
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar
Answered by
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