Suggest Treatment For Paranoid Symptoms

Question : Dr Bishnoi. I am doing better but i will always miss XXXXXXX I am not sure how to live without him or XXXXXXX I am so lonely and just want to know if its any good thinking I could email him once the injunction is over with. Thats more than three months away now...but i don't want another injunction. He didn't respond in any way to my fake email two weeks ago. Don't worry I am not going to do that again. I had been taking pills when I did that. He is so paranoid now he has blocked his personal email address. XXXXXXX doesn't think he has a different one..he just is too paranoid...I am still hoping to get the ticket money back so that we can try once again to go to Israel. XXXXXXX said that it would be better trying to contact him once we are in Israel rather than here. I think that if XXXXXXX was living with me again I wouldn't think much about XXXXXXX but we are so poor that I cannot even think of having XXXXXXX live with me here in Arizona. I contacted the airline insurance company and they said it would be next Friday when they are going to review my information from the doctor to see if they will be refunding my money. I am trying to see if I can make XXXXXXX and get Israeli citizenship status but I still miss XXXXXXX i guess i always will.With Christmas coming up again and Chanukah, I am missing XXXXXXX more than I have been...it has been two years since we were together..actually in January it will be two years. I don't know how to get over him...I guess i never will be over him..

In three months this injunction will be finished. Do you think that if I email him after three months he will file another injunction? He didn't do anything about me emailing him two weeks ago but I just don't even know if he even has his store anymore...maybe he has some other woman but you don't think that either do you?I guess I feel so sad about having to forget him it is hard.. XXXXXXX can't live here he has a job in his Dad's city...

do you think he even remembers me? He loved me so very much. It is heartbreaking to think he would even want to be with someone else. When he told me he loved me do you think he meant it or can't schizophrenics love anyone? I am so sad about it Dr B.

Why is it difficult for him to stay with anyone even me, because he is so paranoid? Does he think we will hurt him or what? He is not especially good looking but we connected on a spiritual level..he loves God so very much or he did anyway..it is hard to think that he has forgotten me. But the woman who put him up to this injunction let me know she thought he was weird. She probably thought she was helping him because she doesn't believe in medication at all. Pretty sad as she used to work at a local mental health clinic. Now she knows because he disconnected his phone and is blocking everyone on his personal email address. I feel so alone because not even XXXXXXX will talk to me about him anymore. Everyone wants me to stop thinking about him but I can't do that...I just feel sad all the time.

Okay. But today I am tired of life. I just want to stay in bed.I don't have any real purpose in life at all anymore. I give up there is nothing to live for. I am always in physical pain and have no desire to keep on living..I wish I could die actually. I am tired of the loneliness poverty and physical pain.
I guess you must be getting tired of talking to me by now about XXXXXXX Everyone is tired of me and this. I am not happy anymore and even XXXXXXX is finding new things to do. I am alone and lonely and don't feel like I have much to live for anymore. I just wish I could die. I dont want to be alive anymore. If I do decide to commit suicide no one would know..I won't tell anyone this time and XXXXXXX isn't here so it doesn't matter. I don't have enough money to live on anymore and it is okay as I won't need any soon. I cannot really afford to go to Israel as XXXXXXX would not be able to go to school or work there anyway. I just wanted to have XXXXXXX in my life and so much would have been easier. I am not able to get over him like a normal person would have. He was my future.

But I still love XXXXXXX Are you saying there is no hope for us? I cannot think about living happy then...I am in a lot of physical pain because one leg is shorter than the other. I cannot take pain medicines as the doctors don't want to give me anything for the pain. I am so tired of living like this. I am much poorer than I was living with XXXXXXX as I am trying to live with $700 a month less than I had been. I am reading a book called THE CENTER WILL NOT HOLD written by a schizophrenic and she is now a lawyer. It is sad as the same things that happened to her happened to XXXXXXX Sexual and social intimacy was a problem for her as well as hygiene problems. I can see that most women wouldnt' want anything to do with him..but none of this helps me.
You used to have more hope that he would come back but now you don't..I am so sad and tired and in so much pain.
Getting money is a big problem for me as I cannot work anymore. I guess it will just be like this then until I die

I do talk to XXXXXXX but he gets upset and XXXXXXX does too. They both believe that God will bring him back but they are the only ones who do. I am quite sure that he also has DID...we both saw him switching. I am in touch with a Christian ministry that helps with did and they have seen both DID and schizophrenia in the same person that they call dual diagnosed. Michael's original self loves me but his teenage alters hate me they think I am his mother or something...anyway..I am trying to just stay afloat...financially I only have $250 for the month or until the 25th of November..
I do think i am feeling somewhat better except for the financial problem. I am going to see how soon we could get tickets to go to Israel. I know I will feel better if i go to Israel so am looking forward to that.
When i felt abandoned I was in the dissociative state re experiencing the trauma of my childhood due to Michael's abandonment of me. XXXXXXX didn't abandon me he was just traumatized by my suicide attempts..it sure would have been easier if i had died...
I dont mean that I still feel that bad just that it is so hard to have enough money for food and i am not sure what I will do if I get to Israel and we don't have enough money. I am hoping that I can find work though getting a work visa is kind of tricky in Israel..usually you don't get a chance to get a work visa unless you already have a job...