Suggest Treatment For Severe Depression And Anxiety

Question : Dr bishnoi.I was not allowed to reply.I got a letter from the court stating they were continuing the discussion on Thursday. I still haven't a clue what its about and am feeling very sad and depressed again tonight..when is this going to end? It is almost 11 months since I started talking to you about this situation..I feel like i am sliding down into a deep depression again and am losing interest in things i had just started becoming interested in again.The letter just stated that the proceedings were in regard to an order of protection that had been issued and I was not allowed to be there..again. XXXXXXX doesn't want to be there so his lawyer has to be there..why am I being excluded? They said XXXXXXX was the defendant and in the injunction I was...I would call the court but I don't want them to know where I am...

I am having a little trouble understanding you but yes I guess he has to defend himself. They couldn't call me because I changed my number. I am too afraid to let them know where i am but would give anything to know what was happening..The appeals court seemed to regret that they couldn't overturn the injunction but the Superior Court judge said it was compelling evidence(that XXXXXXX was delusional and meshuggah) its just that it was new evidence and on appeal no new evidence is allowed, because the bad judge didn't let me talk..this other judge though knew XXXXXXX and I were afraid of him and he knew that he was probably dangerous and actually had to sharply speak to him but didn't have the jurisdiction or authority to have him evaluated..I still feel so sad about all of this, just when I was beginning to enjoy things a little bit again, that it seems like I will never be happy again...I don't have any hope for us at all anymore because he isnt getting any help and the days weeks months and now almost two years have gone by....and I am so traumatized by the court stuff due to my post traumatic stress disorder that apathy is beginning to set in again....i am just losing hope again and my family doesnt want to deal with me anymore...

i dont know what he has to defend...thats the point, that he really harassed me? That was already decided seven months ago...

i know but I had hoped at one point that he might still want to see me or hear from me but I guess he doesn't..its over and he no longer cares about me...i just don't care either..I kept on hoping that maybe he still loved me but he doesn't i guess or he would want to see or hear from me....its just no use to keep going on and keep on hoping..he is just going to stay away from me for the rest of my life and I don't really have anything left now..not XXXXXXX and not Israel and not XXXXXXX .it is so cruel that schizophrenia makes a person turn against you or in this case me..I am sliding back into apathy..don't really care to get out of bed or do anything...just want to sleep my life away....last week I had a plan i just should have carried it out...it would be better than this..I always held out hope that he was still in love with me but it is apparent that he isn't..and that is what I care about that and not going to jail..at least here if I choose I can still kill myself without having anyone be continually mean to me like prison guards...I would try to kill myself by creating a scene so that they would have to shoot me..here i can just take pills once I build up enough of them...if i could find the prosazyn I could get m y heart to stop beating completely. it hurts so bad that he no longer loved me dr b..i can't stand the pain of his rejection abandonment and abuse of me...not anymore.....

But I still love him..I can't just stop loving him or forget him. I am not sure why the lower court got involved when the higher court was the appeals court. If the injunction is dropped he won't want to talk to or see me again anyway....I am tired of him being like this..I want the XXXXXXX i knew to come back..you and everyone else want me to move on and do and think about other things..I always had hoped he would come back but now everyone including you are trying to get me to forget about him I WILL NEVER FORGET HIM...he loved me once and he loved me a lot..I still do not understand why he stopped loving me...bottom line meaning that's the whole thing and all I really care about in life..I feel like I am just goimg through the motions. No one wants to talk to me about him and so I am not talking about him or this but the feelings are still there and they just go underground..I would have no problem taking a whole lot of pills and ending it all once I cannot pretend that i am okay...I can laugh and join in at times but mostly just everything is a huge effort and so I don't want to do that much longer..even you are saying everything is no use...if I accept that then I will kill myself..

I don't care anymore Dr B. It looks like he is never coming back and doesn't want amything to do with me. It doesn't matter what the reason is the fact is he is never coming back. I always had some hope he would but he is not and that is the truth..I am rethinking going to Israel and will take medicines when no one suspects..not even XXXXXXX will care but that makes me feel even worse..why did he just suddenly stop loving me and not want to come see me? He cannot possibly still be thinking that something bad will happen to me..I doubt he even remembers me or cares at all anymore. To him i am apparently a person whom he thinks is going to kill or harm him not someone he once loved passionately which is what he did..so there is nothing left for me..nothing life has at this point matters anymore..I don't care if I go to jail for contacting him..if I do i will find a way to kill myself there too...I can't live like this anymore and I won't..

I don't want anything more in life..i want and wanted XXXXXXX .nothing else matters..even you have given up that he will ever come back..I don't care about anything else now..my son has his own life separate from me and so does my daughter but there is nothing left for me... XXXXXXX was part of my future now I don't have a future....I always hoped he would come back but it is obvious from what has happened and is still happening that he wants nothing to do with me not now not ever and I don't know how you can love a person passionately one moment and not want to ever have contact with them again..it doesn't make any sense to me. Many schizophrenics have happy lives with partners or spouses or boyfriends or girlfriends..why can't I have a relationship with him? Any relationship with him is better than none. Other older men are interested in me but I have nothing but scorn or distaste for ALL of them..I settled for less than the best too many times and XXXXXXX was my best in the last 56 years so there is no one else I want and nothing I care to do with my life except get rid of it...it doesn't matter anymore..nothing does...if I can't have him or talk to him I just prefer to die..you are young..I am not and my life has been full of broken relationships, pain and loneliness. XXXXXXX changed all that for a very brief time and now it is worse than it was in all the miserable years I have had my entire life has been nothing but pain. Even XXXXXXX was turned against me for most of his life except the last five but he is doing great without me he even said he has more peace and XXXXXXX now than when he was with me so i might as well kill myself and be done with it all..my friend is checking up on me all the time which is terribly annoying but as soon as I get enough pills I am going to kill myself..that's it.

Whatever. I am not sure how much longer i can pretend. Nothing makes any difference any more and none of it matters. None of it..i am broke,in constant physical pain and cannot afford to see the doctor and XXXXXXX is lost to me..is there no other way that he could maybe get better? You used to say that there were phases and that he could come out of it..how come it didn't happen with XXXXXXX or could it still? i am going on a hunger strike until he comes back...if he doesn't then I will die of starvation meanwhile taking pills is enough I think.