Question: I am currently seeing a therapist. We have been working on getting me to stay in the present long enough to get out of an abusive relationship, which could become a dangerous event. In therapy, I live with a narcisstic, alcoholic. I have deep depression that comes and confuses me and makes me lose productive time. I sink into a deep hole which can last two months. I have been grappling with the fact that I was unhappy as a child and the abuse I received from my mother and other relatives (uncles who sexually molested me) and siblings. And ultimately, a violent rape by a stepfather (one of many) when I was 13. I was forced to bear his child). As I neared the quantum space and time that I would be challenged to make a decision that would change my reality (this time included outward episodes from my son who is bipolar, manic depressed, schizophrenic, and from my mother manipulating me using her failed health as a weapon, my husband putting on massive pressure on me due to his anxiety about retiring and more), my therapist threatened to quit me because it made me miss two consecutive sessions. I'd called both times. It frightened me so, I turned around. Now I am more confused and on a vacuum of depression. Should I quit her? I know I need to tell her what effect it has on me, but confrontation is another work in progress.

Thank you for this answer, I completely agree with it. My therapist has helped me in good ways. However, I had begun suspecting that she was under pressure to see a number of patients because at first, she seemed genuinely interested in my progress. But suddenly, she began to fill-in my words in my discussions and to offer suggestions about what I meant as I was struggling how to phase something or to describe my feelings. I began to take care of her in my sessions offering hugs and trying not being so needy in my therapy. This didn't help me because as I'd finally been able to bring the abused and hurt, raped child in the room (she was the one struggling to describe a feeling or to phrase things and FINALLY, I was there to help her!), but her attention was usurped by my staying un-attached to her having another situation in the room to take care of. The little girl still isn't important enough to be loved or to be saved (that was the experience). I have been attempting to do my own therapy at home to be ok in front of my therapist because when I show any real feelings in her office, she shuts the experience down by offering lame, or simple answers or excuses for me. I leave feeling more confused, stupid, and sometimes hurt feeling I'm not understood. The problem with doing the therapy myself is, my depression comes and I lose my sense of direction, time and space. I am living in a difficult situation that could prove dangerous if I make a wrong moves. I cannot afford to be so considerate of what's going on in her life (even though I do really care about her) at this crucial time. I need her to be there in this time when I need the support. This is devastating! As you can see in my tenses in this writing, I get caught in between these spaces and my condition worsens. I am afraid right now and don't know where to turn, but only to do my best to do what keeps me safe which is, to walk on eggshells, not breathe, and take up no space; something I've had to do even as a child in a violent home.
I feel like throwing up and I have broken down all alone on several occasions only to repeat the cycle. I have resorted again to being selfless, in-important and depressed.person who takes care of everyone but herself. Should I see pSychiatrist?

Thank you for this advice. I will seek to see a psychiatrist because I believe I do need medicine to help me stay afloat in the critical and crucial times. Too many times, I have reached such an impasse only to suffer a breakdown and then sink into a deeper depression. I stand for long periods looking in the mirror staring at the person I see, feeling betrayed by her because I do not realize or sometimes even, recognize who I am and, because I cannot trust that person to make a breakthrough for me to possess a more peaceful and a more safe, life. I struggle with an an inner voice which suggests I end it all (I tried at 15). I WILL NOT do it though - because of the downward spiral in my life when I was fourteen, I have six children and now, grandchildren who deserve much more consideration than to have to suffer something like that. And, I am accustomed to finding the way to the emergency room. I just want to find a reason for living that includes me somehow.
Thank you for this advice it helps to validate my thinking.