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What Causes Problem In Masturbation After Having Sex?
Question: hi,
i have a habit of masterbating daily. a few days back i had the opportunity to have sex for the first time but i just couldn't get it up! and now it seems i am so obsessed that i couldnt even masterbate properly.
please advise.
i have a habit of masterbating daily. a few days back i had the opportunity to have sex for the first time but i just couldn't get it up! and now it seems i am so obsessed that i couldnt even masterbate properly.
please advise.
Brief Answer:
Just relax, you are not suffering from any physical problem
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXX,
Thanks for writing to us.
I can understand your concern.But no need to worry for your problem.
Masturbation and the sex are similar act in terms of outcome but technique differs. It means both lead to orgasm and enjoyment but the method of stimulation different. In masturbation hand stimulation of penis is there while in sex it is due to friction in vagina.In both the cases to evoke sex feeling in mind you need some erotic stimuli.(In case of masturbation thoughts related to sex, images or videos are there and in case of sex female partner is there)
You had only one opportunity of sex until now. Probably you are not married and you have attempted sex with girlfriend. In this situation due to performance anxiety , you may not succeed in first attempt.With repeated attempt in relax environment you will be successful for sure.
If you were able to masturbate well, there is no chance of physical problem at all.
At present you just try to avoid thought of that sex attempt and try to masturbate in the manner which you used to do before in relax and comfortable manner, you will succeed for sure.
Revert back to me with your relationship details and what actually happened on that day when you tried to do sex.
And also let me know frequency of obsessed thoughts and details of thoughts.
Hope I have answered your query, I will be happy to help further.
Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.
Just relax, you are not suffering from any physical problem
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXX,
Thanks for writing to us.
I can understand your concern.But no need to worry for your problem.
Masturbation and the sex are similar act in terms of outcome but technique differs. It means both lead to orgasm and enjoyment but the method of stimulation different. In masturbation hand stimulation of penis is there while in sex it is due to friction in vagina.In both the cases to evoke sex feeling in mind you need some erotic stimuli.(In case of masturbation thoughts related to sex, images or videos are there and in case of sex female partner is there)
You had only one opportunity of sex until now. Probably you are not married and you have attempted sex with girlfriend. In this situation due to performance anxiety , you may not succeed in first attempt.With repeated attempt in relax environment you will be successful for sure.
If you were able to masturbate well, there is no chance of physical problem at all.
At present you just try to avoid thought of that sex attempt and try to masturbate in the manner which you used to do before in relax and comfortable manner, you will succeed for sure.
Revert back to me with your relationship details and what actually happened on that day when you tried to do sex.
And also let me know frequency of obsessed thoughts and details of thoughts.
Hope I have answered your query, I will be happy to help further.
Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Ashwin Bhandari
sir,
she wasn't my gf. it's more of a friends with benefits kind of thing. though i have done foreplay before but the gap in duration usually had been very huge. its a long distance thing. but i have done foreplay before but since the last two times the problem is the same(tried penetrative sex just once which was most recent). i researched the internet and found that it was due to performance anxiety. also, since my failure last time whenever i try to masterbate i get a feeling that i won't be successful and due to that i am now even failing in that.
some sites said that i should lessen my frequency of masterbation and should only do it when aroused. is it true that it also leads to anxiety sometimes?
i am very troubled with these feelings and thoughts of obsession of failure.
she wasn't my gf. it's more of a friends with benefits kind of thing. though i have done foreplay before but the gap in duration usually had been very huge. its a long distance thing. but i have done foreplay before but since the last two times the problem is the same(tried penetrative sex just once which was most recent). i researched the internet and found that it was due to performance anxiety. also, since my failure last time whenever i try to masterbate i get a feeling that i won't be successful and due to that i am now even failing in that.
some sites said that i should lessen my frequency of masterbation and should only do it when aroused. is it true that it also leads to anxiety sometimes?
i am very troubled with these feelings and thoughts of obsession of failure.
Brief Answer:
not at all failure, you are passing through normal phase
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Your narration suggests that you were not at all in relationship. Sex is not just a mechanical process, it involves feelings also.Most of the males find some difficulty while they start doing sex. But as per saying,"Practice makes the man perfect", they learn how to do it successfully. Some of them become disturbed and apprehensive with initial failure and need counselling.
You are passing from the same phase. Performance anxiety means person becomes apprehensive just before sex that will he be able to do it successfully or not, and due to these feelings he can not concentrate on sex and fail to erect or lose the erection.Same thing happened to you. And these thoughts come when you masturbate which in turn affect your masturbation.
So you need to understand what I explained. Try to be free of such thoughts while masturbating. Think actively about your past masturbation and you can do it.
Believe me that you are absolutely fine. When you attempt sex next time, do not think about performance, do not see your erection,just enjoy it and you will be successful.
There is no specific normal frequency of masturbation. It is not that when you aroused, you should do it. You can do it when you feel you want it. Frequency varies from once daily to once in a week. It depends on individual. Just never suppress your desire for sex, relive with it masturbation on suitable time.It is not going to do any harm.Rather it is beneficial. If you can do masturbation and enjoy, you can do the same in sex.You need to adjust with the method of sex.
If I were your treating doctor, I would have explained the same what I did just.I would give you time to relax and call after a 15-20 days for further evaluation.
If you can not get rid of thoughts of failure, personal counselling of psychiatrist can help or may be medicine like anti anxiety clonazepam before sex or fluoxetine to decrease obsessive thoughts..However I don't think it is needed currently.
Hope you have got the answer,if still any confusion I will be glad to answer.
Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki
not at all failure, you are passing through normal phase
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Your narration suggests that you were not at all in relationship. Sex is not just a mechanical process, it involves feelings also.Most of the males find some difficulty while they start doing sex. But as per saying,"Practice makes the man perfect", they learn how to do it successfully. Some of them become disturbed and apprehensive with initial failure and need counselling.
You are passing from the same phase. Performance anxiety means person becomes apprehensive just before sex that will he be able to do it successfully or not, and due to these feelings he can not concentrate on sex and fail to erect or lose the erection.Same thing happened to you. And these thoughts come when you masturbate which in turn affect your masturbation.
So you need to understand what I explained. Try to be free of such thoughts while masturbating. Think actively about your past masturbation and you can do it.
Believe me that you are absolutely fine. When you attempt sex next time, do not think about performance, do not see your erection,just enjoy it and you will be successful.
There is no specific normal frequency of masturbation. It is not that when you aroused, you should do it. You can do it when you feel you want it. Frequency varies from once daily to once in a week. It depends on individual. Just never suppress your desire for sex, relive with it masturbation on suitable time.It is not going to do any harm.Rather it is beneficial. If you can do masturbation and enjoy, you can do the same in sex.You need to adjust with the method of sex.
If I were your treating doctor, I would have explained the same what I did just.I would give you time to relax and call after a 15-20 days for further evaluation.
If you can not get rid of thoughts of failure, personal counselling of psychiatrist can help or may be medicine like anti anxiety clonazepam before sex or fluoxetine to decrease obsessive thoughts..However I don't think it is needed currently.
Hope you have got the answer,if still any confusion I will be glad to answer.
Regards,
Dr.Chintan Solanki
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Raju A.T
thank you sir, your answer is very relieving. is there a way i can have an idea how much time it would take for me to get over these obsessive thoughts?
Brief Answer:
not more than 15 days
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXX,
If you have understood and digested what i explained. you can be even normal in 4-5 days by successfully attempting masturbation. Or if you will continue trying as i mentioned , I think it will not take more than 15 days to get rid of these thoughts completely.
Hope I have answered your query.
If still any query there, I will be happy to answer.
If not, you can close the discussion and if feasible give your feedback so I can improve service.
In future you can contact me directly if you wish with this link:
http://bit.ly/drchintansolanki
Regards.
not more than 15 days
Detailed Answer:
Hello XXXX,
If you have understood and digested what i explained. you can be even normal in 4-5 days by successfully attempting masturbation. Or if you will continue trying as i mentioned , I think it will not take more than 15 days to get rid of these thoughts completely.
Hope I have answered your query.
If still any query there, I will be happy to answer.
If not, you can close the discussion and if feasible give your feedback so I can improve service.
In future you can contact me directly if you wish with this link:
http://bit.ly/drchintansolanki
Regards.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Prasad
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