Brief Answer:
I do not think phone sex is solution

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for using Health care magic.

I was answering your query in another thread and thought of answering this as it seems very important for you.

First of all I like to inform you again that the problem is psychological and we need to find answer with use of psychological methods. I understand your reliance over phone sex but this is not the ultimate solution and I do not think we can use it for long time. I have observed that over a period of time persons develops false and firm belief which becomes difficult to break if the same thought is practiced for years or even months.

In my opinion is is important to first handle the stressful issues in your life. This includes parents and society at large and his feeling of sexual inadequacy.

I must assure you that with proper dealing of stressful issues he can have proper erection and timely ejaculation without any problem.

Below here I am delineating few of the strategies which will help him in the erection problem.

Firstly ask him to get rid of thoughts that he is sexually inadequate or his doubts that he may not be able to perform properly. This is because performance anxiety, feelings of sexual indequacy, self-doubts, guilt, past negative sexual experiences, poor communication / understanding with the partner, etc. can all affect sexual functioning and performance. Removing such ideas will eliminate the majority of causes for his poor sexual performance including erection and ejaculation. Removing the person's doubts and fears, and improving his self-confidence levels will definitely help in improving sexual performance. Remember that sex is not just a physical act but also a psychological process involving an expression of emotions, intimacy and love. So, just stop him to get involved in those feelings and stop him focussing on his "performance" . Once he do that, then I assure you that his sexual performance will automatically improve.

Most importantly, performance anxiety soon becomes a "vicious cycle" That is, anxiety leads to poor performance and poor performance then leads to further anxiety and this keeps on increasing. In my view this vicious cycle already established in his case and there is definite need to break it altogether and take control.


While making love with him try to distract him from "monitoring" his sexual performance. Try putting on some romantic music or mild lighting while you both make love. Arrange the things which turn him on. Taking his mind off of his sexual performance can remove the worries that are stopping him from getting fully aroused and ejaculate.

Wish you all the best in your sexual health.

I hope this helps you further.
If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you.
If not, you may close the discussion and if possible you may rate the answer for my future patients.
In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link:
http://doctor.healthcaremagic.com/doctors/dr-ashok-kumar/67386
Thanks and regards.

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Brief Answer:
Follow up

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for reverting back to me.

There are definite indication that he is acting as kid rather than a mature individual and it will be wrong to say that his behaviour is contributing to his current problem.

We have two options. Either you act as his therapist sort he seek an opinion of therapist. I understand that the earlier one is difficult for you despite your best efforts and later is difficult because he is not willing to undergo any kind of intervention but it does not mean that he should be left with his own preoccupations and fears.

In my opinion he needs proper support and you need to stand for him.

I hope this assists you further.
Thanks again.

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Brief Answer:
Therapist use the thought of the patient while guiding him

Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for follow up.

Although there is nothing called what a therapist will say to a patient with particular problem but most of our interactions with patients are guided what brings them to us. We as therapist assess the patient, evaluate their needs, set priorities and than focus one by one.

We as therapist bring the thought of individual on surface and guide them to solve in systemic manner. For example your boyfriend have the feeling of sexual inadequacy and in this regard I will bring his fears out and guide him to make alternative though at the place of sexual inadequacy thoughts. Here his own secondary thoughts will be replaced with problematic thoughts with healthy ones.

Yes as you stated motivation, moving out, spending time with friends and family members are another important part of counselling but it never takes place in isolation.

I hope this giddies you.
Thanks again.

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