What Should I Do With My Depressive Mother Who Always Complains About Her Health?

Posted on Fri, 28 Feb 2014

Medically reviewed by Ask A Doctor - 24x7 Medical Review Team

Fri, 28 Feb 2014 Answered on

Thu, 20 Mar 2014 Last reviewed on

Question : my mother is under depression since many years, i always try to convince her , to came outside to walk with me, or go do yoga, but always get a negative unswer, her confort zone is at home, and getting out is becoming a night mare for her. she finds a new and different health problem daily and basicaly her life is focus in that "deseases".she has been medicated for years with lexotan to relax and sleep and now she stoops and is trying to live without pills and thats a good sign for me. I dont know how i should aprouch her to do some activities with me, because when i ask her to do something toghether, she unswer like im the reason to her problems , and like her enemy. Im still also living at home now and things are getting worst because im too near. when im far from home she calls me daily on skype and talks sweet with me asking to go near to her, and says that one day i should take care of her one day she cant, but she doesnt let, and doesnt accept my help. Should i be living with her or should i find a place to live alone, so she can have her space? im really happy if she accepts my help, but 90% of the times she refuses.

Answered by Dr. Srikanth Reddy (13 hours later)

Brief Answer: Depression Detailed Answer: Hello, Thanks for choosing health care magic for posting your query. I have gone through your question in detail and I can understand what you are going through. From what you have stated it is quite clear that your mother is having a depressive episode. Depression can occur with regular stress and it can also occur biologically without any stress as well and it may last for months or years like in your case. She certainly needs proper treatment for the same. Lexaton will only help in her sleep but unless you treat the basic cause behind sleeplessness, the problem is going to persist. She needs to be on antidepressants and that would certainly improve her symptoms. There are various effective therapies for depression like fluoxetine, venlafaxine, bupropion, mirtazapine or escitalopram and they are all very effective and mostly safe. You may also require some benzodiazepines like clonazepam or lorazepam for a short period like 2-3 weeks to reduce the anxiety and help with your sleep. I understand from your write up that you are some where not comfortable with the medications she is on. If your feelings are very strong and if you are averse to the drug therapies then there is also an option of cognitive behavioural therapy. This therapy is taken by either a psychologist or a psychiatrist in which the therapist identifies impaired cognitions (Thoughts) and try to correct them. They are 15-20 min weekly session and there should be around 8-10 sessions to help you with your illness. You trying to get her doing some task is a good way and is called behaviour activation. However the task needs to be very small so that she can complete it easily and get a sense of accomplishment which should be appropriately rewarded. The CBT therapist will take care of this part as well. Hope I am able to answer your concerns. If you have any further query, I would be glad to help you. In future if you wish to contact me directly, you can use the below mentioned link: bit.ly/dr-srikanth-reddy Wish you good health, Kind regards Dr. Srikanth Reddy M.D.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Chakravarthy Mazumdar