Depression, Have Committed Several Attempts Of Suicide, Want To Make Life Worth While For Kids. How Can I Make My Life Better?

i have a long history of depression off and on over the years. starting from the age of 13 with several attempts of suiside over the years.i am 37 now with 3 children , my only reason for staying around. i believe ive come to a turning point in my life and have decided on a enonghs enough cut the shit kind of attitude to my life, i dont want to be a victim of circumstance to situations i have no controll over and need to find a way to find my direction and to stop others deciding on my own happiness and taking advantage of my nature. I dont have close family to support me and 1 trustworthy friend of 12 years who has a very posative outlook dispite her own history. i need her strength and outlook but dont know how to access it.life has bombarded me with a frequent sucsession of one negative experience after another, starting with my mothers need to compete and and to later allimanate my presents and sabbertage me wherever possable. she never learned anything other even years later. Ill never understand her, i always want the best for my children,despite the difficulties, but im in need of strength to keep going, i wouldnt be here if it wasnt for them, they r the only happiness ive ever known, i dont know how to be anything else.