Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Overwhelmed By Problems, Lack Of Self Esteem, Motivation. Treatment Options?

I am severely depressed and have frequent thoughts of suicide . I feel overwhelmed by my problems, and I question the general benefit of my own existence because I feel like I am a disappointment and a burden to those around me. I don t have the energy to do self-help work anymore, and I do not have the health coverage or the income to pay for any form of treatment. I think I would approve for medicare , but I lack the self esteem and motivation to gather the know-how to apply. I need help, I feel like I am a danger to myself, and my current circumstances in life are only making things worse. thank you for your time.