My fiancee will not speak to me or in fact have any contact, She was sent to hospital with a vestibular migraine,lost feeling to left side for three days. We had just spent a great week together in NYC where i was working for a while, she had returned home to europe. A few days later get a message 'don't worry but i am on way to hospital,i told her i would get on a plane that night, she told me to stay, in three days i had a contract to do,that they did not know what it was at the time,that i would not be able to stay with her,her mum was on the way-though two days later i found out she told her also not to come,explaining to me on Skype that 'mum would be too much to handle in her studio,that she only liked me in such close quarters,. I stayed, i hated to stay but it would have been chaos if i backed out of job. If she had said 'come', i would have walked there if i had to.
Jump forward six days, she goes to spend weekend with her family(another country), i tell her i am on the way,i have ticket booked, again she says no stay,you need to be there, i was due back to her for a long weekend in two weeks time, so i stayed,i'd rather have been looking after her,but she was looking positive and feeling much better,now around family,it was her brothers birthday,he was arriving in morning...
Bur from the next day,i heard nothing,not for two days,then all of a sudden i am dirt, i should have known to come, that no does mean yes,she will not believe i can be relied upon. In amongst hysterically screaming is interspersed words of 'you should have been back by now,' You told me you would be here by now'
I must add.. we had a problem once before,and i jumped on a plane and flew there against her wishes,to which i got a lot of angst for a long time.. this time i listened- was i wrong?
Now that was the simple version.
Through out our time, if ever there is issue it is usually my fault and i think i do agree ,it is. I can be quite moody,introspective, work is something i want to change it is unpredictable,involves a lot of time away, causes many problems with us,she wants me out of it too. I let frustrations get at me,i have trouble with emotions,she feels i don't show her enough love, i've always had issues with expression from childhood(dysfunctional family),but i do listen to her, even if it takes a day for it to sink in,i do change.I made a point to always tell her i love her,we held hands all the time,we mould together when we are at home with ease,she would constantly comment on it, we both slept the best together,apart was hard,but much harder on her, Distance has been a problem. I always put my moods down to low sugar levels,when i eat i always feel better,almost immediately, i am in very fit condition,always have been. My father was the same till mid 30's he said. I'm passed that.
While all this was going on over last two months, i started a few vitamins i had not taken before.. b6,b9,b12 and niacin-which i had taken years before,as a sports supplement,i have felt a huge lift in my moods, my brain seems clearer, i should be very very down over this, i am, i cannot get it out of my head, but i am also present if that makes sense. I am present enough that i realised the difference,started to look into it(google).. from what i am reading i may have a problem. Is it a deficiency . She told me i was a downer to be around,that my energy brought her down that i was moody all the time..
I've tried telling her via mail of how much wanted to be there, also of what i seemed to have found out, about my moods, she does not answer.
We are in separate countries, i am being told stay away, yet i do believe she loves me, i love her,but should i go there.. and in her words 'force myself on her' , arriving against her will.
A note... my girl is an over the top genius /perfectionist .. no joke.. we both come from rough childhoods i guess.. she was abused by dad-who is out of picture now.. mine was my mother,and emotional abuser- also out of picture.
She had started to see psychiatrist just before the holiday with me, second session after hospital was about me. She is holding me responsible for much of her stress.
I think i have just asked multiple questions..
I wonder if i have done right? Should i have just gone there? Am i really a depressive moody person?I know i am moody, are those vitamins really good? how do i convince her to see me,i think all would be fine if we just saw each other-is that selfish? Am i ? did i cause her stress? Because when she was at airport saying goodbye for her return she was hysterically saying 'please come back with me",in tears, but i was too.. i love her.