hi... i have understood your concerns... it seems that u might have gone many problems in your life..u have described the classical symptoms of depression and all of that are experienced by you..so i ll suggest u to take professional help.. u shud consult to a psychiatrist and talk about your problems, symptoms and frustration..u can take medications for your depression as well as u can ask help from the psychotherapist because i feel that your depression is a result of stress, so counselling, stress management and other psychotherapeutic approaches can be very helpful.. medications can help to improve your mood, sleep, concentration, appetite, your negative thoughts.. so i am suggesting you low dose antidepressant medication but u shud consult professional and talk face to face.. drugs: tablet. escitalopram+clonazepam [nexito forte 10+0.5 mg] at night after dinner. if u have a problem with sleep u can take tablet. zolfresh 5 mg at bed time for sleep only... i hope this advice will be helpful to you.. best luck..