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Dr. Andrew Rynne
MD
Dr. Andrew Rynne

Family Physician

Exp 50 years

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Suggest Remedy To Solve Difficulties In Relationship With My Mother

I get really mad when my mom gets all clingy towards me. She s my mom and all but I hate the fact she s like that. We don t get along that well. Everyday we end up arguing over something incredibly stupid. She ends up calling me hurtful names, hitting me and all just because I don t want to hang out with her. Whenever she wants to go to the mall and go shopping with me, I usually say I rather stay home. You can take my brother. She gets really angry and yells at me saying why I can t be like her friend s daughters. I simply don t like being outdoors. Why can t she understand that, or at least accept it. I don t get bored at all being home. I rather stay home and watch a movie with her then being outdoors. What s so wrong about that? She hates the fact, I m not a normal girl who likes to go shopping, being with her mom, going to church and such. I mean, I m very close to my dad because he doesn t yell at me when I tell him something I did at school, he sits me down and talks to me about what s wrong and right. In the other hand, my mom yells at me about it. I have tried changing and being the daughter she wants me to be but it s really hard. I don t like doing any of the stuff she wants me doing. I have really bad patience. Months ago, my dad and I went to get help for the whole family. I believe I m the problem why there s problems in this house. Sometimes I think if I wasn t here, everything will be much calmer. Anyways, When I go to therapy, I don t say much. I can t trust people face to face. I rather tell someone my problems online. Makes me feel better about myself. Just having that person know my problems, makes me feels more easy towards myself. I want to change, though. I don t know exactly how, though. Any advice would be great. I ve tried everything. I thought maybe sharing some of my interests to her might make us become more closer. That didn t work at all. So, If you get this, please answer. If not, I m glad I told someone one of my personal problems in a way I feel so much comfortable. I just want to have a better relationship between my mother and I. I just want to know what else I could do to make it happen. Well, I hope you have a great day.
Tue, 10 Mar 2015
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General & Family Physician,  's  Response
Hello and thank you for your question.
I am sorry that you are in this diffucult situation with your mother. The first thing you need to understand is that you are not responsible for your mother's happiness. It is unfair of her to put you in that position. None of us can create another person's happiness. It is up to each of us as an individual to create our own happiness. However, you will not be able to change your mother. As long as you are at home, I suggest that you be kind to her and occasionally do something that you may not want to do just to make her happy. But do not change your whole life around trying to make her happy because it is impossible. She must find happiness in herself. Your job is to be true to yourself and kind to others around you. The best you can do in this situation is to understand that this is your mother's problem, not yours. Try to take care of yourself and make yourself happy. If she is willing to go to counseling it may be helpful for you to try and make the effort to at least explain how you feel to a counselor in her presence. I wish you peace and comfort.
Regards
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Suggest Remedy To Solve Difficulties In Relationship With My Mother

Hello and thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are in this diffucult situation with your mother. The first thing you need to understand is that you are not responsible for your mother s happiness. It is unfair of her to put you in that position. None of us can create another person s happiness. It is up to each of us as an individual to create our own happiness. However, you will not be able to change your mother. As long as you are at home, I suggest that you be kind to her and occasionally do something that you may not want to do just to make her happy. But do not change your whole life around trying to make her happy because it is impossible. She must find happiness in herself. Your job is to be true to yourself and kind to others around you. The best you can do in this situation is to understand that this is your mother s problem, not yours. Try to take care of yourself and make yourself happy. If she is willing to go to counseling it may be helpful for you to try and make the effort to at least explain how you feel to a counselor in her presence. I wish you peace and comfort. Regards