Suggest Treatment For Loss Of Memory And Blurred Vision

i had been waiting to see a dr over a year. about nov i was in out of counter got on plane sick and against m better mind to make an appointment. but in confusion which is part of my symptoms of memory loss and loss of function or progressing to dangling on edges of losing my mental and brain and eye and muscles , i mixed jp dates and missed the appointment. i wrote the dr and told him about my conditions. that it was getting harder to keep it together but i had some positive signs if dr treated me asap i might bounce back. ih ad been having neurocondtions and loss of eye sight and muscle week and memory and flipped backwards vision. speech and seizure like activity that left me more and more not functional fight to regain back. autistic . i kept getup and wait for dr to put mien hospital so i could recover.. but i was also left a target in life to abusers. one of them making me come closer to death i left.. i also left a place i could heal as it was getting to rough for me to do survival in nyc without recovery first. that was sonly a few months ago.. and after few seizure like episode i began to lose sight of who i was andblack out and go into a red zone and black. where it was getting to be doubt flu without fast care id survive in where i was also falling into crACKS FROM A PROFESSIONAL LIFE AND MIRACLE. NOW IM IN CRACKS AND ALL WORST. IM FEARFUL OF DR BECAUSE OF ABUSE BY DRS IN PAST AND IHAD BEEN A VERY GOOD NATURAL DR TO MYSELF AND PULLED MYSELF OUT OF SOME BAD PLACES.. BUT I FAILED LAST TIME BECAUSE OF LACK OF A PLACE TO LIVE AND ABUSERS WHO CAME BETWEEN MY LIFE. DESPITE I WAS A FIGHTER I BEGAN TO DIVE INTO TAIL SPINS AND CRASH.. MT ATTEMPT TO GET THIS DR TO RESPOND FAILED. HE DID NOT SEEM TO CARE. EVEN THOUGH HE PRETENDED TO WANT TO KEEP PEOPLE FROM FALL INTO CRACKS. AFTER LAST EPISODE I M NOW STRANGE AND VERY NOT FUNCTIONAL SCARED.. OF WHAT IS GIONG ON . IM OPPOSITEO F MY REAL SELF AND LOSING SIGHT OF WHAT THAT WAS. I DONT HAVE FAMILY. AND OR ADEQUATE SUPPORT. SO IM IN ALTO OF DANGER MY LAST CONTACT IWTH A FAMILY MEMBER IN REGARDS TO MY FRANTIC TO SEE A DOCTOR WAS TO A SICK SISTER WHO CONTRADICTED MY INTENTS AND NOT HELPFUL A THREAT , WHO TRYS TO CUT DOWN OTHERS INTENTS TO FEED HER OWN.. I NEED A DR FAST NOW.. BUT NOT INEPT OR ABUSIVE..