Suggest Treatment For Severe Anxiety And Depression

I will lay out the whole story for help on everything

This stage of my life all started on my 19th birthday which i thought was a sign for a good year but ill get to that later. My birthday is February 19 so this all started then.
I am a freshman in college. I have always had anxiety and stress issues my whole life which i guess really hurt my concentration. I was always fatigued. I has really bad insomnia and would sleep all day. I could never eat in the morning and had a terrible appetite. Its like if i wasnt interested in it i wasnt doing it because my mind would wander to other issues that i would worry about. weed helped with this i guess because it made me interested in everything. Even though it made me more outloud paranoid it was a hell of a lot better than sober. I really like marijuana. I have smoked almost daily since october.



The week after my birthday I took adderal to help me study. I had only taken it twice before and noticed it helped. I finished studying and I decided to smoke weed. This combination made me very talkative. I am terrible at expressing my emotions i guess unless i really really trust the person. The adderal helped and I started talking to my friend and somehow I started talking to him about my alcoholic abusive father. I talked to him for 6 straight hours about it. It was the first time I had talked about it... to anyone. In my house it happened then it was over the next day and he would become abusive almost nightly. Afterwards I felt amazing. My mind was clear and I was able to concentrate and lost a lot of my anxiety. It felt like I was a newborn baby and my brain was rejuvenated. I felt like i didnt have to smoke weed or anything and didnt want to to risk falling back to there. This went on for a week until I went home to see my girlfriend on the weekend.



This is my first girlfiend ever who I had just met the weekend before. The only reason I became involved with her is she persued me on facebook. She ended up coming to my college and sleeping in my bed and believe me she wasn’t shy. This was my birthday. Where it all started.I know she seems slutty, but I think she has an obsession issue like she loves bunnies and other things to death, and now she loves me to death. Which I dont know if i trust her because of the situation. She can be shady at times. I still get nervous around her and I don’t know why. Shes gone into the I love you stage with me already. I don’t know what to think. I have always had a confidence and selfesteem issues in everything in life. With girls I would only get with the ones who came after me. People always tell me how good looking I am but I guess I am just not able to realize it. I have always seen myself as a peice of shit in almost everyway and worried if i will be able to succeed. I am always able to please her sexually but when im not drunk or on the vyvanse I usually ejaculate rather quickly. My guess is because I am worried about pleasing her and I just let go. The whole anxiety thing, but when im drunk or on vyvanse I worry about it. I worry about myself. I worry too much about what people think aout me when im not. Im always eager to please other people and give other people free stuff. Im always worried if people like me I guess, but its weird cause once I get to know them and I know they like me im fine. And the other way if someone doesn’t like me I say fuck them I don’t care. But im worried about the new ones I don’t know as well and trying to prove myself too much I guess.



So back to the story I went home after the talk i had with my friend that weekend and i went to see her and i felt great mentally. Shes only a junior in highschool. She is a drug user too. I ended up smoking weed with her and I felt like a different high. It felt like the high was getting my whole brain actually.



I ended up smoking again that night with my friends and woke up the next day still a little high even. I was staying at a hotel with my mom to get away from my dad. I went back to college and I went back to my normal anxiety ridden self. I was smoking weed again and I couldn’t concentrate. I ended up returning to my normal self. I wasn’t concentrating well and was anxious again.

By the way it wasn’t the weed that keeps me from concentrating. I never smoked in highschool but that’s when I was the most anxious and not concentrating.

I ended up taking more adderal to help. It didn’t motivate me to do anything. I ended up smoking weed again with it but this time I had noone to talk to. I ended up crying in my bed all night. After this I fell into a deep depression. I stopped going to class and was just laying in my bed crying for 3 days. I went home for my depression to get help and ended up not getting the best grades that quarter.

I went to hospital twice for the depression and stormed out and made a scene both times. I ended up getting my own add medicine to help me concentrate cause I thought it would help. I was given concerta and I didn’t like it. I became bipolar and mean. Then I had a pain behind my right eye like how I did when I used to get migranes as a kid. I ended up getting those fixed by a chiropractor but I never finished going to him. The next day I broke up with my girl over the phone because I became randomly mad at her. She said she was shocked like it was outta nowhere. This was all while I was at spring break in florida which I didnt have fun at all. I ended up getting my girlfriend back because of her clingy nature I guess. She loves me more than ever right now but I still don’t trust her.

When I got back I got switched to vyvanse which I loved. It took away my anxiety and helped me concentrate. I was more confident and feeling better. I feel like I never had capabilities in the front right brain. I worked my way up in it with the vyvanses help and felt great. I felt like I could use it. I felt like everything was going to ok then and felt happy that I got it. It didn’t last long. But then I guess from being so occupied over getting it I forgot to drink water. I became dehydrated and liquids started draining from behind my right eye down to my throat. I had no clue what it was. I thought it was sinuses at firtst. Then I was convinced I had a brain tumor because I couldn’t move my eye and felt like there was something back there. I lost most of my functionability in my brain until I finally drank a water. It helped so I kept doing it and it started going back up. I got mostly hydrated again but I don’t know if I got back to normal brain power. I ended up getting some sort of infection in my throat. I was smoking lots of cigs the prior two weeks plus weed so my throat had already felt irritated from that. I ended up going home again cause I thought it could be a brain tumor. I stopped taking vyvanse. I went to doctor he checked me out told me I didn’t have tumor. Told me to keep taking vyvanse cause it seems like it was working and helping with anxiety. He gave me a prescription of azithromycin for my infection. Which he couldn’t see in my thoat but I had yellow mucus. And it did hurt. I would try and smoke but it never felt good. When I smoked weed it almost felt like it was getting trapped inside me and I wasn’t getting high. It just made me more and more paranoid about my health. My front right brain felt like it had a lot of pressure in it when I would smoke and I just felt sick. I felt like I was having almost panic attacks. My throat was getting worse probably cause I was smoking. I thought maybe I could chew while I had this so I did. I feel like it really got my left neck infected from that. Im pretty sure I have bronchitis to start with and when I smoked it felt like the smoke would get trapped in me and my chest hurt. I was taking the azithromycin antibiotic for the infection. I started getting hives on my chest and now up to my armpits I think because of the antibiotic. My neck ended up being very swelled. I am now done taking the antibiotic for 2 days but it should be in my system for 3 more. I feel like nothing hurts anymore and I don’t have anymore yellow mucus so im good there. I stopped smoking. I am having problems with my right eye not changing dilations. I keep having major panic attacks since ive been on the antibiotic cause I think something is seriously wrong with me. I go through disease after disease going through symptoms for hours worrying. I thought I had hiv at first from unprotected sex with my girl. Im going through killer disease after killer disease and I cant take it anymore. Remember Im still on the vyvanse and I am having anxiety problems which hopefully are just the side effects of the antibiotic. That’s what I need to find out. What is wrong with me. Im getting bloody noses. I do have three vein marks on left thigh which ive had since I can remember. Never saw it as a problem. I am now having pains in my left neck but idk if they are real or just in my head. I am on a lot of vyvanse right now. I took a lot but when I get anxiety like this and worry about my health I don’t feel it. It doesn’t get to my brain. It hurts by right eye. I feel like the blood isn’t getting up to that part right now. But the vyvanse is trying to get it up there. Could I have a blod cot causing all of this or maybe is it an adrenaline problem. I feel like if I can just get my brain together I can become something great. I don’t have much short term memory anymore and not as good as a long term memory as I used too. I need help but am to scared to get it. I wouldn’t say this to anyone so I had to write it all down. There is too many stressers in my life right now and I don’t know if my body can take it. I cant even look at my dad. I feel bad cause ive become mean to my mom this whole time. I have school work to do and school work to make up from last quarter. Im always worried about losing my girlfriend. but I was all good on the first stint of the vyvanse. Do I have medical problems or is it all in my head. Could I maybe have a thyroid problem I don’t know about. The vyvanse helped my insomnia and helps me get out of bed in the morning which I was never able to do. It even helps my appetite instead of hurting it. Please help!! What could be wrong with me? Im hoping once the antibiotic leaves my system everything goes back to normal but I just don’t know. Im lost and ive lost reality. Everytime I schedule a visit to a psychiatrist I cancel.