Suggest Treatment For Uncontrollable Psychotic Behaviour

Hello my name is Derek. I am 28 years old and I am having one-sided relationship issues generated from my side of the relationship. Before I begin, I should tell you that I have been on Adderal for many years now. But possibly more important, is the fact that I take testosterone shots weekly becayse I am in the middle of raising my testosterone levels back up to the normal level. Not sure if this could be a direct factor, but appearantly I have had testosterone levels of 200 (a 60 year old s levels) for many years now. My issue is that I have been talking with a girl over a very long distance for a year now. She came to visit me 2 months ago and I completely fell in love. After this, I snooped around in her facebook and then began to secretly write the men that either have or have had, a crush on her. I would write them a quick little message to spark up the conversation so I could see how she would respond to it. My first thought was that I did this due to jealousy issues, but I think that the main issue goes deeper than that because I did not care if she wrote them with words of unloyalty. It is almost like I get arroused by watching other men try flirt with her and I love to witness their desire and attraction to her. Prior to the facebook snooping and messaging the other men as her to spark up conversations, I made up two fake people and tried to flirt with her via email and/or social media as the fake guys. Then a third time I made a fake account to try to flirt with her as one of her friends that had just expressed their desire for her, I just tried to keep it going. Then after I snooped her facebook, I snooped one of her old email accounts and I intercepted an old crush that was trying to reconnect with her via email. I then created an email account to respond to the guy as her, and then another email account to send his words to him. That way I would be able to moniter and alter the conversation into the ways of my liking. At this point, I took the conversation between the two of them way too far. After she caught me with her facebook, and now this, I had to confess my guilt of everything to her but more importantly, to myself so I could seek professional help. I have snooped past girlfriends in the past but have never done an psychotic things like this before. I definitely would love to know the true reasons I am doing this. I catch myself in the middle of these horrible acts everytime and try to stop myself, but usually fail to put an end to the game. A little bit about my past love life... I had a high school sweetheart on and off for my entire college life of 5 years. I found out at the end that she cheated on me in the middle of our time together and just kept it quiet until college was over and I could send us on our seperate ways. Then I moved from NY to Missouri to advance my career. In Missouri I failed to find myself unable to connect with any girls in the area. So I ended up having a long distance relationship with another girl in 2014. In the middle of that relationship, I snooped through some of her stuff and found out that she cheated on me both physically and emotionally, but I completely looked the other way and did not pay attention to it. The relationship came to an end because of the distance and we decided to just be friends. Then I had a small rebound relationship with another girl that lasted less than 3 months. We both quickly noticed that our personalities would not get along so we both put an end to it. But right before we put that short relationship to an end, I decided to snoop her social media and I witnessed her acts of unloyalty, even though it did not matter because we were both quickly drifting apart regardless. Then I took my time getting to know my current girlfriend, since I was going through a financial hardship and carrer change in 2015. After she visited we were talking about me coming to visit for a month or 2 and working from there since I can do most of my new career selling over the phone. But then I find myself stalking her and making up fake accounts to flirt with her as one of her old crushes from the past, or a possible new crush. As I stated before, I am not sure if it is a jealousy thing because I do not care if I see her being unloyal as I am used to seeing in my past relationships. I am afriad that I enjoy these stupid games regardless of how she responds to the alternate guy. The main reason of my inquiry is to find out the root of this cause. Could it be from all the adultry I have experienced in my past relationships? Or maybe it is a biological issue due to my temporary low testosterone levels? Or could it be a sexual preference issue and the fact that I enjoy cuckold pornography and the fact that I have a small desire of being cuckolded myself, because the idea both arrouses me yet scares me? Or could I simply be an overly jealous and insecure boyfriend? Or maybe the distance? Or could it be the fact that maybe I am afriad to pick up my entire life and move to this girl with a chance of the relationship failing and putting myself at emotional and finacial hardship because I decided to move to this girl? Or even worse, am I cognitively sick in the head? Any input and/or thoughts would be helpful. Feel free to be honest and harsh, I do need honest feedback.