Suggest Treatments To Overcome Chronic Depression

I am 49 years old and there are times I feel suicidal I have had enough of this fucking life that I have felt nothing but pain and misery no education no friends no family no love I have never felt any love at all no relationships I don t even know who i am and not a day I can recall of happiness. a lot of times I wish I was dead i don t know why im writing or maybe trying to reach out why am I here why don t I just kill myself , I have nothing to look forward to in life no future .im not asking for help im just so fucking angry I hate myself i hate who i am I don t feel anything inside but fear,.i have been out of contact with society for 15 plus years wasted years I didn t even have a teenage life no friends ever nothing or adult friends is this how a person lives day after day rejection self rejection .tell me im not dead because I don t feel anything .sometimes i get so stressed out that i get pains in my chest like needles. and i think im going to have a heart attack i just don t know what to do anymore.i feel my life is come to its end and society has locked my out..