I’ve Been Feeling Increasingly Out Of It For A Couple

i’ve been feeling increasingly out of it for a couple years now maybe four or five years, i was diagnosed with depersonalization and depression Lately although i have been feeling like something is going to happen when nothing is, i get fidgety and zone out. I have persecutory delusions of my friends saying rude things about me infront of me but i know they are saying stuff and i listen for little things that can apply to me. And when they talk to me i hear some words in a jumbled mess, it’s not that i can’t hear them it’s like my brain isn’t understand what they are saying like they are using nothing but foreign words towards me. This is causing me to be scared of my friends and my family. when i watch animated tv shows i believe they are talking to me, that the show is about me and everything they say is a shot at me like the way it is with my friends. Sometimes i think i’m on something similar to the truman show, things just add up too well sometimes to be other wise i feel like everyone is in on it and my life is just for entertainment of others. I’ve always had issues with motivation and keeping my room clean and basically doing anything productive in my life, i was diagnosed with add but the medicines made me feel weird so i’ve discontinued taking them years ago, i blame them for the depersonalization i feel. when i get in these certain states that i think my friends are out to get me i feel almost zoned out i stare and ignore everything they are saying like i’m blacked out, i only tune in when they say stuff that can be applied towards me sinisterly. I get extremely apathetic and nothing funny is remotely amusing. I’ve had depression since i was 11 but this seems to be a build on to that. I sometimes can’t or don’t feel a need to respond to what people say i get nervous and freaked out. My balance has been off recently as well for a while i’ve been getting increasingly dizzy and it’s almost like my gate is wobbly it’s hard to walk normal i feel like my legs are jelly. Also when i get in these zone out sessions i do repetitive behaviors like adjusting objects around me and then stroke my hair and adjust the object again. my right leg shakes uncontrollably and i mess with things with my hands either tapping or proding things while i stare off. My mind feels blank and i get distressed so easily in grocery stores and gas stations like something is going to happen there’s dread and i get a full feeling in my head i pace or look around nervously and i can’t help it causing people to stare at me, i’m not sure if it’s because i’m acting weird or if it’s because they are judging me in general making the situation worse. i also have random times i get angry over nothing at all, simple things like dropping something set me off causing me to rage. I snap at my father even when he is being nice towards me, i feel guilty after because i know it’s rude but i can’t help it at the time i just seem unable to control my tone towards him. I just want to know what’s wrong with me it’s so stressful not knowing what’s wrong when it’s so debilitating. I don’t know if things are real or if it’s just me anymore, please help me with my mind it’s driving me insane if i’m not already.