Women Suffering From Post Traumatic Disorder Syndrome

Our married daughter in her early 40 s lives interstate, 12 plus hours from us & our 2 sons.12 months ago she sent me a text message requesting I have no further contact with her,her husband & our 3 young Grandsons she stated she is suffering Post Traumatic Disorder Syndrome equal to a soldier returning from war. She blames me for abusing her as a child & again the past 5 years. My husband & I have noticed a slow decline in her mental health the past 5 years, a few years ago I offered to go & help with the children etc as at that stage she wasn t well & blamed her unwellness on mental fatigue due to lack of sleep as the 2 youngest boys are 18 months apart the elder one 6 years older. She said neither of the little ones would sleep at night. She cried when I offered to go to her, she could tell me enough how thankful she was & how much she loved me. During that visit a few days before my husband & I were to come home she entered the room I was in closed the door she lent against the door to prevent me from leaving & verbally tore me to shreds for it seemed like an hour or 2 but maybe 3/4 of an hour. Every time I tried to talk she would harshly tell me to be quite & listen as I never listed to her all her life, I was in tears her husband was sleeping after night work, my husband didn t realize there was an issue behind the closed door upstairs. She accused me of things that never ever happened, greatly exaggerated incidences etc. Since her text message informing me never to contact them she has spoken to her father occasionally but when he mentions how much we miss her & our Grandson & we love her greatly would she please let Mum talk to our Grandsons. She instantly becomes very aggressive & tells my husband exaggerated or completely false accusations about me. My husband & I attended Counselling to try to understand & accept I am unable to have contact with my precious daughter & Grandsons. Our eldest Grandson was 11 years old last year when this began he was extremely close to us he would always get very upset even feeling sick when it was time for us to come home after visiting them he would beg us not to go home. Prior to last year we tried to visit them twice a year for about 2 weeks at a time. After the time she barracked me & abused me harshly we never stayed in there home again we took our caravan & stayed in our van. WE did send our Grandchildren a birthday present each last year as all there birthdays are early in the year. After about 4 months no contact with them my heart ached so much for them all I phoned there home leaving a message telling her how much she means to me ,I love her greatly,apologized for phoning when I had been told not to make any contact, but said I just ached so much for them & just had tell her in my own voice how much I loved her & always would, I promised I would not ever phone again without her permission. I have kept my word. 2 weeks after I made this phone call I received a letter by registered mail from her husband who we always previous to her text message to me we got on really well we have always felt he was a very fair honest understanding man. His letter to me stated if I ever attempted to contact her or them again they would have no choice but to take a restraining order out on me. he stated they were moving house & we would not know where they would live. Our daughter changed her mobile phone number, the only contact we have available is our son-in-laws mobile number. I never have tried to contact them since. Our daughter has phoned my husband on occasions & has told him he can phone her husbands mobile anytime, he has only done so twice as every conversation with her she ends up making false accusations about me & he becomes very upset a stressed. he & I discussed many times prior to last Christmas how we both hurt so much missing contact with our Grandsons, eventually my husband said the boys need to know we love them & we both felt we wanted to post Christmas presents to our daughter & family. My husband phoned our son-in-law hoping to have a good talk with him how our daughter was & if we could both talk to our Grandsons plus about sending presents to them all or at least to our Grandsons, Our son-in-law did not talk to my husband long enough to be asked any questions, he put our daughter on to talk, my husband asked her what suburb did they live in, she would not tell him, he asked if we could send Christmas presents & if the 3 boys were still interested in there favourite play games, she said yes they were. My husband said he would go shopping & buy them some for Christmas so where could he post them too. Her reply was she would have to think about it. She allowed her 3 sons to talk to there Grandad all were very happy to talk to him. My husband when talking to the eldest one asked if he could have another talk with his Dad. With that our daughter came back on the phone asking why did he want to talk to her husband again etc etc & made up what seemed like excuses why it wasn t possible. She then went down her path of accusing all her problems etc etc is caused by me & my constant abuse. She would not listen to my husband who knows & tried to tell her it wasn t right. They are very devoted Christians, we are also but not as devoted as they are. Last December our daughter phoned my husband at work, he couldn t talk very long, she informed him she & her husband did not want presents from us. She told my husband then that Mum (me) made our Grandaughter who lives with our ex daughter in law . She is our only other grandchild aged 7 she lives a long way from us but we see her regularly when she comes to stay with her Dad ( our son), Our daughter told my husband I had made our Grand daughter use not her own fathers phone but our other sons mobile phone to phone our daughter as I was trying to find out where they lived. This accusation was so far fetched as our son only has a work mobile has it all the time as he is on call 24x7 he was 3 hours away all the weekend our daughter claimed I had our Granddaughter make this phone call. I am at my witts end why my daughter makes up these story s blaming me for anything & everything. Just prior to Christmas we sent our Grandsons presents to our son in laws parents address as that was the only address we new to send it to, we included a card with love a best wishes to our daughter & son- in-law from us both. Christmas eve we received an email from our son-in-law stating how disrespectful we are to our daughter & him as our daughter had requested not to contact them, how dare I go against our daughters request that we do not send any of them Christmas presents or involve his parents she had request we were not to do.My husband was not told this at all. The email told us they were undecided if they would give our presents to there sons. We felt totally devastated. This is NOT what our daughter told her father. My husband & I want our daughters mental health to recover but do not understand why or how our daughter has reason for this vendetta against me. We did not reply to the email. We have 2 sons younger than our daughter I talked to each of them individually & insisted if they felt I miss treated there sister in any way I needed to know so I could seek further Counselling as I want our family all reunited. both sons insisted it is her problem not mine, I was & always have been a good caring mother to each of them. One son has suffered major depression for quite a few years he did on occasions take a step back from my husband & myself but never said he never wanted to see us again, at one time he did blame us alternately,it would be me other times my husband for his depression, we stood by him helped him seek medical help. He finally accepted it was his problem & he has been well for several years now, he came home from staying with his sister a few years ago & said to me, Mum you have bigger worry s with her than you ve got or had with me. He has not wanted to get involved in his sisters issues with us as he said it is not his problem or ours it is her problem she has to accept that & deal with it. we understand he knows his ability to cope with certain situations we do not burden him with his sisters problems. He did tell us she contacted him & asked him not tell us they were communicating etc, finally he told us as he knew how worried we were for her. He told us they occasionally communicated for over 6 months he told her that we all only have one & Mum & Dad neither of them (us) have good health. You need to accept them as & who they are as they done the best they could under difficult circumstances when they where kids so let the past be the past. She hasn t spoken to him since. Our other son at the beginning phone her several times left messages that he heard she wasn t well he was wonder how she was. She never returned his calls after she changed her phone number he did phone her husband a few times leaving a message he was concerned how they all were but he never heard from them. I did tell my Councillor of the issues I had rearing my children especially anything to do with our daughter, she was not cause us any great concerns or disputes He confirmed I done nothing beyond normality as a parent. I have asked my daughter for forgiveness years ago when she started to change towards me I could feel there was a wall started to build between us , that maybe there where occasions if I had my time over again as a mother I would react differently but at the time I done what I thought was best for each of my children if unintentionally there where things that has now affected her I am greatly sorry & asked her to forgive me. Nothing came from my attempt to help her & understand where she was at. I did tell my son in law about this time I felt my daughter needed help, he didn t answer or ask me why. I never broached the subject or took it any further with either of them. My big question right now as it is approaching our Grandsons birthdays soon, what do we do? We do not what them to feel we don t love or care for them we have no idea what reasons they have been given that we don t phone them, visit etc etc. We don t know if they did receive there Christmas gifts. What do you advise us to do in regards to there coming birthdays. Our Councillor is off on sick leave so have not been able to meet with him for quite sometime we live in a small country town & have our name on the waiting list to see a visiting Physiologist. When our eldest Grandson was about 3 our daughter when going overseas for work for a week asked me to care for her son at there home during the day when her husband was at work. I happily did & there were no issues what so ever. A year later they came down to visit & they happily left there son with my husband & I for a week, & we travelled back to there town 12 hours away over 2 days greatly enjoying time with our Grandson as they needed to return home for work. If I was or am the Mother she claims I was to her why was she happy to leave there son in mine & my husbands care on both of these occasions? I hope you can make some sense out of my troubles. I am desperate for help.