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Suggest Treatment For Being Abused In Emotional Way During Childhood
Question: Since the last couple of years i start to realize more and more that i was abused emotionally as a child. I start to understand now how this has affected me in a negative way. I read about abuse in relationships as partners, child parent relationship, which direction should you go if you have been abused as a child and now that i am 38 i realize i want to get help with certain issues, even if it is just to share my story, please advise.
Brief Answer:
You must go ahead and seek professional help
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
I read your problem and can understand the dilemma and distress that might be going through in your mind. Being abused in any way, emotionally, physically or sexually is a very traumatic experience, more so when that happens during the formative years of life, during childhood. Although you haven't mentioned about the exact nature of your problem, but I do understand the impact of being emotionally abused and the distress associated with it.
It's a very courageous thing to come up and seek help. I really appreciate that you have decided to do so. I would be glad to offer help in every possible way. I also understand that you might be hesitant to write everything here. But, I can assure you that your identity will be safe and we can discuss everything without naming anyone.
You can also decide to consult a psychiatrist in person and decide the further course of action accordingly. As you have mentioned about just sharing, I can tell you that even simply sharing your painful experiences and finding someone who can understand what you are going through can be therapeutic in its own right.
I do hope that you will be able to ask, share or discuss whatever you have been wanting to. Please feel free to send any follow up query.
Regards,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
You must go ahead and seek professional help
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
I read your problem and can understand the dilemma and distress that might be going through in your mind. Being abused in any way, emotionally, physically or sexually is a very traumatic experience, more so when that happens during the formative years of life, during childhood. Although you haven't mentioned about the exact nature of your problem, but I do understand the impact of being emotionally abused and the distress associated with it.
It's a very courageous thing to come up and seek help. I really appreciate that you have decided to do so. I would be glad to offer help in every possible way. I also understand that you might be hesitant to write everything here. But, I can assure you that your identity will be safe and we can discuss everything without naming anyone.
You can also decide to consult a psychiatrist in person and decide the further course of action accordingly. As you have mentioned about just sharing, I can tell you that even simply sharing your painful experiences and finding someone who can understand what you are going through can be therapeutic in its own right.
I do hope that you will be able to ask, share or discuss whatever you have been wanting to. Please feel free to send any follow up query.
Regards,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Yogesh D
HI Dr. XXXXXXX
Thank you for your answer. Having a busy life makes it hard to find the help that i need, i made the decision to start working on my issues, i want a better life for me and my family. I want to break the circle. I don't want my child to go through the same as i did.
I think a lot about the past, about myself and analyze myself, i try to work on certain issues that i have, like anxiety, i know what caused that, so i try to face my fears and break the pattern, on my own, not with medication.
I try to understand why i grew up in a abusive home. I think it was abuse, but in my culture is that considered abuse? I come from an XXXXXXX family, hitting, intimidating, insulting i witness also within other members from family. I see that in the black culture as well, where hitting kids, intimidating is not seen as abuse.
Is the generation now different? My mom grew up in a home with a lot of kids, they all had to work, life was strict, we did not talk about feelings, you cannot have your own opinion, i never knew my grandparents, but that is the impression i got from stories. I grew up with a broken family, my parents divorced when i was 3. It was a violent relationship. My dad suffered from alchohol addiction, my mom had to raise me and my 2 older sisters by herself. I believe she loved us, she just did not know to show love, to show affection. Often she was frustrated and angry. We were all afraid of her, i am the youngest, i was not hit as often as my sisters, i did witness beatings on a regular. There was always tention in our home. My 2 sisters are damaged, the middle one very bad, the oldest was beaten the most. We all moved out of the house at a young age. My mother was a single mother, she raised us with very little. I know she tried to do the best she could, i did talk to her several times and i recommend her to talk about her problems or her hurt. She never did that. I never confronted her with how i feel about the past, i know she is sick and depressed, she sees me as her pride. The last thing i want is to bring her down more, she lives a very isolated life, if i would confront her i know it will only break her and that is the last thing that i want.
I grew up in Europe, i moved 7 years ago to the US. So we do not see each other a lot, i used to call her, but a couple of things happened, which opened up wounds from the past. I feel very angry torts her. My mother is behind with a lot, like technology, for her birthday i got her a computer so for the first time in her life she has an understanding of internet and social media. Now she follow a little bit what is going on in my life. When i talk to her i just want to hang up, her depressed spirit weighs me down, i feel angry torts her, i just communicate now on social media.
Thank you for your answer. Having a busy life makes it hard to find the help that i need, i made the decision to start working on my issues, i want a better life for me and my family. I want to break the circle. I don't want my child to go through the same as i did.
I think a lot about the past, about myself and analyze myself, i try to work on certain issues that i have, like anxiety, i know what caused that, so i try to face my fears and break the pattern, on my own, not with medication.
I try to understand why i grew up in a abusive home. I think it was abuse, but in my culture is that considered abuse? I come from an XXXXXXX family, hitting, intimidating, insulting i witness also within other members from family. I see that in the black culture as well, where hitting kids, intimidating is not seen as abuse.
Is the generation now different? My mom grew up in a home with a lot of kids, they all had to work, life was strict, we did not talk about feelings, you cannot have your own opinion, i never knew my grandparents, but that is the impression i got from stories. I grew up with a broken family, my parents divorced when i was 3. It was a violent relationship. My dad suffered from alchohol addiction, my mom had to raise me and my 2 older sisters by herself. I believe she loved us, she just did not know to show love, to show affection. Often she was frustrated and angry. We were all afraid of her, i am the youngest, i was not hit as often as my sisters, i did witness beatings on a regular. There was always tention in our home. My 2 sisters are damaged, the middle one very bad, the oldest was beaten the most. We all moved out of the house at a young age. My mother was a single mother, she raised us with very little. I know she tried to do the best she could, i did talk to her several times and i recommend her to talk about her problems or her hurt. She never did that. I never confronted her with how i feel about the past, i know she is sick and depressed, she sees me as her pride. The last thing i want is to bring her down more, she lives a very isolated life, if i would confront her i know it will only break her and that is the last thing that i want.
I grew up in Europe, i moved 7 years ago to the US. So we do not see each other a lot, i used to call her, but a couple of things happened, which opened up wounds from the past. I feel very angry torts her. My mother is behind with a lot, like technology, for her birthday i got her a computer so for the first time in her life she has an understanding of internet and social media. Now she follow a little bit what is going on in my life. When i talk to her i just want to hang up, her depressed spirit weighs me down, i feel angry torts her, i just communicate now on social media.
Brief Answer:
See details below
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thanks for following up and deciding to open up. In today's world, we often get so busy with our lives that we somehow ignore one of the most vital things....being healthy. Its nice that you are now trying to focus on your unresolved issues which in turn will help you becoming emotionally healthy.
I read your reply in detail. I definitely can understand the anger that must be residing within you due to all the circumstances that you have faced. Having an alcoholic father and getting no overt love from your mother, two people who mean the most in our lives can be very traumatic.
You do mention that you understand that your mother was herself angry and frustrated. She herself would have expected better things for herself and her daughters. As an young woman, she must have had dreams which never became a reality. Her anger, frustration and sadness seems understandable to me. She have always been devoid of love and even now it seems she is empty and alone.
I do understand you anger over your mother too. You expected love and care from her which you never did and slowly you both seem to have drifted apart. But I am very sure that underneath everything else, there must be love for each other within both of you. You just need to make efforts to uncover it.
It nice that you both are trying to communicate. I believe that if one of you makes effort, the other will also respond. In your case, you can initiate. You don't need to start with things that have hurt you. You just need to show her that there is someone who still cares for her. That just might lead to her opening up with you and you can discuss your sorrows, pains in times ahead. The whole process will be slow and you will have to be patient.
Simultaneously, I would also advise you to start exercising on a daily basis. That will help you relax and control your anxiety. You can also devote some time to meditation. Start discussing things with your children. Make sure you are giving them enough time. The idea is to have a relationship with your children where you can be more like friends.
You can also start writing a diary on a daily basis. Writing diary will help you ventilate your emotions and make you feel lighter.
Hope, I have been able to help you with your problems. If you have any follow up query, please feel free to ask. I will be glad to offer any help that I can.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
See details below
Detailed Answer:
Hi,
Thanks for following up and deciding to open up. In today's world, we often get so busy with our lives that we somehow ignore one of the most vital things....being healthy. Its nice that you are now trying to focus on your unresolved issues which in turn will help you becoming emotionally healthy.
I read your reply in detail. I definitely can understand the anger that must be residing within you due to all the circumstances that you have faced. Having an alcoholic father and getting no overt love from your mother, two people who mean the most in our lives can be very traumatic.
You do mention that you understand that your mother was herself angry and frustrated. She herself would have expected better things for herself and her daughters. As an young woman, she must have had dreams which never became a reality. Her anger, frustration and sadness seems understandable to me. She have always been devoid of love and even now it seems she is empty and alone.
I do understand you anger over your mother too. You expected love and care from her which you never did and slowly you both seem to have drifted apart. But I am very sure that underneath everything else, there must be love for each other within both of you. You just need to make efforts to uncover it.
It nice that you both are trying to communicate. I believe that if one of you makes effort, the other will also respond. In your case, you can initiate. You don't need to start with things that have hurt you. You just need to show her that there is someone who still cares for her. That just might lead to her opening up with you and you can discuss your sorrows, pains in times ahead. The whole process will be slow and you will have to be patient.
Simultaneously, I would also advise you to start exercising on a daily basis. That will help you relax and control your anxiety. You can also devote some time to meditation. Start discussing things with your children. Make sure you are giving them enough time. The idea is to have a relationship with your children where you can be more like friends.
You can also start writing a diary on a daily basis. Writing diary will help you ventilate your emotions and make you feel lighter.
Hope, I have been able to help you with your problems. If you have any follow up query, please feel free to ask. I will be glad to offer any help that I can.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Yogesh D
What is your opinion in why there is a difference in how parents raise their kids in the western world as oppose to XXXXXXX black, Muslim culture. I don't want to generalize or discriminate but there is a difference in how they treat their kids. I work with XXXXXXX XXXXXXX culture a lot and I ask how they discipline their child, without a doubt Majority responds with I beat them. Could you give me your point of view?
Brief Answer:
I have to agree on this with you.
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for following up. I do agree that there is a difference in how parents bring up children in different societies. Every culture has its pros and cons.
In the present scenario, definitely, the rates of using violence or corporal punishment to discipline children is higher in XXXXXXX or XXXXXXX culture as against western world. I would also like to point out that the same western culture also used corporal punishment at much higher rates earlier. Similarly, corporal punishment is also coming down, at least in XXXXXXX although it is still very prevalent.
Corporal punishment definitely have a negative influence over a person. We psychiatrists believe that punishment as such has lesser chances of behavioral change compared to other methods like positive reinforcement. In addition, corporal punishment do cause a tendency in children to become more violent themselves. Research has shown that More frequent use of corporal punishment is related to higher rates of aggression in children, and interpersonal violence.
But then, a child's development also depends on many other issues. For example, a child in XXXXXXX culture has more sense of security as there is more closeness among family and society. A good family and social environment is definitely required for a healthy emotional development. This scenario is also changing in XXXXXXX owing to increase in nuclear families.
In the end, I would like to say that it is not just society that determines any child's development. It is a mix of factors like genetics, parents, families, and society. What we can do is try to make sure that our children, the next generation do get adequate love, care, security from us which will help them become better human beings irrespective of what had happened with us.
Hope, that answers your query. Please feel free to continue this discussion. I will try to respond in the best possible way that i can.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
I have to agree on this with you.
Detailed Answer:
Hello,
Thanks for following up. I do agree that there is a difference in how parents bring up children in different societies. Every culture has its pros and cons.
In the present scenario, definitely, the rates of using violence or corporal punishment to discipline children is higher in XXXXXXX or XXXXXXX culture as against western world. I would also like to point out that the same western culture also used corporal punishment at much higher rates earlier. Similarly, corporal punishment is also coming down, at least in XXXXXXX although it is still very prevalent.
Corporal punishment definitely have a negative influence over a person. We psychiatrists believe that punishment as such has lesser chances of behavioral change compared to other methods like positive reinforcement. In addition, corporal punishment do cause a tendency in children to become more violent themselves. Research has shown that More frequent use of corporal punishment is related to higher rates of aggression in children, and interpersonal violence.
But then, a child's development also depends on many other issues. For example, a child in XXXXXXX culture has more sense of security as there is more closeness among family and society. A good family and social environment is definitely required for a healthy emotional development. This scenario is also changing in XXXXXXX owing to increase in nuclear families.
In the end, I would like to say that it is not just society that determines any child's development. It is a mix of factors like genetics, parents, families, and society. What we can do is try to make sure that our children, the next generation do get adequate love, care, security from us which will help them become better human beings irrespective of what had happened with us.
Hope, that answers your query. Please feel free to continue this discussion. I will try to respond in the best possible way that i can.
Best wishes,
Dr. Sunil Gupta
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by :
Dr. Raju A.T
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