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What Causes Lack Of Interest In Maintaining A Physical Relationship?

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Posted on Thu, 5 Mar 2015
Question: Is it normal for my husband to go long periods of time (years) without wanting sex? I know that he is able to get an erection. He just doesn't let me near him.
(Or an I just blind to a whole other problem? ) It can be years of no effection or sex ( he's always accusing me of cheating. No I haven't. ) But what I don't get is that if he thinks im going to leave him or something in that nature. Out of the blue he wants sex again. Either I am stupid or he needs to see a doctor. Please help me
doctor
Answered by Dr. Sudhir (31 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
No, this is not normal.

Detailed Answer:
Hello,

Such long period of abstinence from sex doesn't seem to be normal.

Two things can make a person behave like this.

First is stress or anxiety about something, like assuming partner will reject/analyse you, fear of performance, past bad experiences, stress at work , some kind of phobia etc. This problem can be pin point by professional counselling. A counselling with sex therapist can help. I feel this is more likely cause in case of your husband, as wrongly accusing you of cheating shows he is insecure about your relationship. And may be he is stuck in some imaginary kind of mindset.

Though I don't want to alarm you , other cause is he might be interested in somebody else. In this case you will have to be supportive and let him come out with his thoughts.

Hope this helps.Please ask if there are doubts.Regards.


Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Shanthi.E
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Sudhir (2 hours later)
I don't believe it's the stress or anxiety.been married for 23 years he has cheated at the beginning of the marriage and I believe this is happening now.he seems to have a problem with lying and believing himself even after proving that he lied. So I think the problem is in himself and I thank you for answering my question.
doctor
Answered by Dr. Sudhir (9 minutes later)
Brief Answer:
Yes, that might be the cause.

Detailed Answer:
Yes, that might be the cause.

Please let me know if there are more questions. Regards.
Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
doctor
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Follow up: Dr. Sudhir (18 hours later)
Wouldn't it cause him pain if he was going this long without?
doctor
Answered by Dr. Sudhir (2 hours later)
Brief Answer:
Yes, it cause him discomfort.

Detailed Answer:
If he doesn't have any mental/emotional issues, then it should surely cause him discomfort.
Depressed ,phobic , mentally ill or too ill persons can go without intercourse for such long duration.

In normal person one should check if there are other partners.

Regards.
Note: For further guidance on mental health, Click here.

Above answer was peer-reviewed by : Dr. Bhagyalaxmi Nalaparaju
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Answered by
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Dr. Sudhir

Internal Medicine Specialist

Practicing since :2000

Answered : 1415 Questions

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What Causes Lack Of Interest In Maintaining A Physical Relationship?

Brief Answer: No, this is not normal. Detailed Answer: Hello, Such long period of abstinence from sex doesn't seem to be normal. Two things can make a person behave like this. First is stress or anxiety about something, like assuming partner will reject/analyse you, fear of performance, past bad experiences, stress at work , some kind of phobia etc. This problem can be pin point by professional counselling. A counselling with sex therapist can help. I feel this is more likely cause in case of your husband, as wrongly accusing you of cheating shows he is insecure about your relationship. And may be he is stuck in some imaginary kind of mindset. Though I don't want to alarm you , other cause is he might be interested in somebody else. In this case you will have to be supportive and let him come out with his thoughts. Hope this helps.Please ask if there are doubts.Regards.