Hello,
I am a 44 year old single mother of 4. I have suffered from depression for most of my life. I remember the first serious episodes happening when I was in high school. I have been on antidepressants for about 12 years now, and it always has the same outcome...I will begin an antidepressant or antidepressant combination and it will work for awhile, and then the depression will creep back in. I have had one suicide attempt years ago, but I always see suicide as a "comfort thought"...if it just becomes too awful I can always just get it over with. The only things that save me are my 4 beautiful children. I grew up in an emotionally abusive home, and vowed I would never raise children in a home like I was. I chose to divorce my husband, the father of my 4 children, and have been divorced 5 years now. My husband could be very emotionally and physically abusive, but I still feel regret, thinking that I should have just "stuck it out" for them. I always feel overwhelmed with guilt, feelings of inadequacy, and hopelessness for my future. I think back to the woman I used to be, and I feel she is gone forever. I used to be so kind, loving, compassionate and fun! Now I feel like I am a shell...walking around this Earth like a ghost...unseen and unwanted by anyone. I want to live...and be the woman I used to be! Can you help me?