What Could Be The Reason For No Interest Or Involvement During Sex Since Marriage?

Hello, I am sorry to know about all that you are going through. It is understandable that you feel unloved, rejected, frustrated and confused. It is sad that your partner is physically present but emotionally disconnected during intimacy. A lot of women need emotional closeness before they can enjoy physical intimacy. If she does not feel secure, loved, or emotionally safe, she may just “comply” rather than connect during physical intimacy. If you hurt her feelings in the past or rushed into sex without emotional warmth, she may have shut down over time. You will have to talk to her; maybe she is from such a background where sex is considered to be a husband s right. Such teachings often lead to passive participation. If it is an arranged marriage and she had no desire to either marry you or she was not wanting to marry at that time but was forced to marry because of family pressure, she is in depression, and your constant indulgence in sex without trying to win her heart has killed her desire further. All the circumstances may have come against her and made her feel “empty” that may be the reason why she dissociates during sex. If you ever forced pressure on her or guilt her, this might have created more emotional withdrawal. This isn’t just about sex; it’s about love. Give her tenderness, truth, and time. Tell her that you value her and your relationship with her. Try to win her heart first; avoid indulging in sex till you find her healed. Often emotional warmth leads to more natural physical openness. Be patient with her. If she makes better moves, do not revert back to being unkind or unlovable to her. Otherwise, you can visit a counsellor along with her. You may need couple therapy. You may also go for emotionally focused therapy (EFT); it will be helpful. CBT, trauma therapy and inner healing therapy will be very helpful to restore marriage intimacy. I hope you find the answer helpful. Regards, Dr. Nupur K. General & Family Physician